Not for the Faint of Stomachs

OK seriously, this post will completely and totally gross you out.  I have been considering telling you all this story but, have held off only because I don't want to lose my blog friends by making you throw up on your computers.  So, if you have a weak stomach, have gag reflex at the very mention of vomit, or just don't want to be grossed out...then I suggest you stop reading.  If you are like me, you couldn't take your eyes off this post at this point and will continue to read the "train wreck" and then be grossed out beyond belief.

My oldest daughter was sick for 15 days with some sort of stomach infection, or so the Dr says.  Let me tell you in all honesty, it was one of those moments that you hate being a mom...seeing your little one cuddling a bucket, the smells, and the clean up was beyond normal.  At the third Dr visit, I was told that we would be taking her for some "tests" to find out what is happening inside of her.  My medical diagnosis?  She had become possessed by demons...DEMONS I tell you!!!!  When I took her to the lab for the "tests", I found out they weren't really tests at all but, they were "samples".  Yes, "samples" of what was coming out of my child.  There were three jars with fluids in them and three "smear" packets that needed to be done.  I gagged a little just then as I was typing that.  While the "smears" were the easiest of the samples...it was the timing of the incident that could not have been more profound.  

I was on my way out the door for a 7:00 AM meeting to thank an organization for giving me a ton of money to go shopping for the kids at my school.  My oldest daughter says..."mommy, I have to go to the bathroom."  I say "NOOOOO!!!"  (in my mind but, of course being the great mom that I am, I just roll my eyes and give her the "hat" to go in).  That is right, a hat, people.  My super hot hubby is, of course, in bed like any self respecting husband would be during this time.  After the sample is collected...I begin to scoop, yes scoop,  out little samples in order to fill the little vials to a certain line.  I am gagging and at one point, thought...now this is gross, "if I threw up in this sample, would they even know?"  The worst part of this whole process was we had to put a sample in the freezer for three days (of course this happened on Friday and we weren't able to take it to the lab until Monday).  We joked about having a "poo popsicle" in the freezer...and then gagged a little.  I can't even give you all the details of this process as I am sure I have blocked it out of my memory for several reasons but, I do remember that this is (by far) the grossest thing I have encountered.  So, now you need to make me feel better by telling me your grossest moment ever.  Seriously, I want to hear it.  Give it to me straight, hold nothing back, I can take it!!!