Sunday, March 29, 2009

Spring is Here

I have to admit that I am NOT a huge fan of spring.  There are things I love about in bloom, weather warming up, spring skiing, blah, blah, blah but, the other things just bring me down.  

For example, I cannot stand it when I wear a long sleeve shirt in the morning (and I am freezing) and by the afternoon I am sweating up a storm.  I try to layer the best I can but, I am not very good at this.  I am not a fan of the pasty white legs on me or anyone else for that matter.  Everyone seems to look sickly in the spring.  I don't like spring cleaning and I can't stand shaving my legs more than once a week.  When I want to start wearing sandals, my feet are usually a hot mess from being in socks and shoes for the past four months.  I always hate going to get a pedicure for the first time in spring....I am sure the poor little girl doing my nasty toes is thinking, "I better be getting a good tip" yet, she always tells me that they aren't that bad.  Ya, right!!!  So, excuse me for not jumping up for joy that spring is here.

I am married to an allergy sufferer and during spring he is drippy, snotty, cranky, sneezy, whiny, grumpy and all the other dwarfs rolled into one super hot hubby, it is FABULOUS!!!!  He tries to take some herbal type medicine from Whole Foods but, nothing seems to work.  He complains and complains and I want to tell him...SUCK IT UP!!!  That would just be mean so I, on the other hand, am just like Snow White...blissfully floating about while cleaning, singing, and cooking.  Now, if you believe that, I have some property to sell you...anyone interested??  

UPDATE:  So, I am now realizing that this post may be a little bit...shall we say...negative??  Well, it has been a rough spring day around these here parts and I am just keepin it real.  As for super hot hubby, he would not like to be referred to as whiny so I will withdraw that one...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Name Game

Since my last post about the Marbucks doughnuts, Marbucks...ohhhh (Homer Simpson style), I had a conversation with my super hot hubby about rhyming.  My four year old doesn't quite get the concept of rhyming but, likes to think she does.  She will say "Cat and horse...see, they rhyme."  "Uh, ya, sure they do...when do you start school?"  

So, I was telling my super hot hubby that I could rhyme his name with a word so that he would know when I am mad at him (as if the flying daggers from my eyes were unclear).  It just so happened that his name rhymes with "piss" so I figured what better name to give him?  He, of course, did not see the humor in this situation as I had and said "Umm, well, it also rhymes with kiss."  He is a half full kind of guy...I, on the other hand, will stick with piss.  Then he decides to rhyme my name to ensure I KNOW when he is mad at me...Dim??  WHAT??? How could he do this to me??  I had to point out that it could have been slim.  I think that would have been much more suitable and I am rethinking the piss name.  

Monday, March 23, 2009

Not Me! Monday

It is a strange place this blogging world.  I never imagined this would happen but, I have connected with other people that I have never met in person.  I feel like I know them and I know their families.  With that being said...MckMama's little guy, Stellen is in the hospital.  For those of you that don't know...she had some issues during her pregnancy with his heart but, since being born, he has been doing so good. He has taken a turn for the worse and can't seem to get his little heart under control.  I am beyond sad for her and her little guy.   She is updating her blog periodically so go over and visit her and leave her a comment.  We all know how much we LOVE comments.  Please, think of her and her family today.  They are all on my mind...  

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

An Intervention is Necessary

I am sure most of you are thinking I am talking about the one and only Paula who needs an intervention (and she totally does) but, I am actually referring to me.  I need the intervention.  I clearly have an addictive type personality and I should know better when I am told something like..."Don't even try that because it is sooooo good and you will love it and once you have one you will need it everyday."  I am usually able to resist temptation as long as I have never had whatever "it" might be.  So, a friend told me about these wonderful doughnuts at a local coffee establishment.  I will NOT tell you the name of the establishment because I don't want to be the one responsible who gets you started down this dark path but, the coffee place rhymes with Marbucks.  

I say..."But, Marbucks isn't known for their doughnuts, they are famous for their overly caffeinated coffee beverages.  You mean that they have a pastry better than the petite vanilla scones?"   And, boy howdy, do they ever!!!  Their glazed doughnuts are so yummy.  They have just enough glaze (or some type of crack cocaine since it is so addictive) on them that they aren't too mushy and they are still sweet and it was still moist at 10:00 when I began my make out session with the doughnut.  I ate the whole thing in about four bites and it left me wanting more.  I am salivating just thinking about it...this can't be good. 

As the day wore on, I continued to think about that doughnut and the fact that I had skipped my run that morning.   I felt really guilty that I, not only, skipped my run but had a tasty treat as well.  When I got home I went for that run to punish myself for eating a piece of the devil himself.  Do you know what  happened?  I had the best run EVER!!!  I even ran an extra half mile on top and felt great after.  I have now convinced myself that Marbucks doughnuts are necessary for my running schedule.  Is that wrong? 

Monday, March 16, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

1.  I did NOT swear like a sailor when my super hot hubby wanted to clean out the garage on Sunday.  I did NOT know that it would entail my help and all I wanted to do on Sunday was sit around in my pj's by a nice warm fire playing Earthopoly.  I do NOT love this game because I beat super hot hubby at it every time we play.  

2.  I did NOT find an enormous amount o' crap up in the garage that I canNOT believe we ever used or had any intention of using.  

3.  I did NOT tell my super hot hubby that I would be photographing all the ridiculous things that we found up there to show all my followers the craziness that exists up in the rafters of our home. 

  3a.  We did NOT find this flat basketball with the markings of Mother Earth on it.   I am hoping that my super hot hubby did NOT just put it back up there even though it was flat since it was, in fact, Mother Earth and how can he throw that away?   
  3b. I did NOT find this pretty little number that I know I have never worn and cannot for the life of me figure out how it got up in the rafters in the first place.  Hmmmm, I will have to think about this one.   3c.  We did NOT find these beautiful Christmas candles that we have never even used.  I have no idea how long they have been up there for but, the entire set of four were in there.    3d. This was NOT the contents of that same box.  Yes, those are the same said candles and I do NOT think they look like the ones on the box (I really don't and it was kinda gross with all the wax all over the place but, it did smell good).  Note to self,  Christmas candles cannot survive the scorching heat of Sacramento in the rafters apparently.  

4.  I did NOT find enough Christmas lights (both outside and inside lights) to have a Christmas light fiesta next year.  We are talking Griswalds family Christmas here people.  Look for us next year!!! 

Friday, March 13, 2009

Reality TV at its Finest

What is wrong with Paula Abdul?  Seriously, she is incoherent when she speaks and most of the time she is slurring her words.  I have no idea what the heck she is talking about AND she claps like a seal.  Her fingers are spread out to the maximum extension...ALL TEN OF THEM...and she claps like that?? Why??  I have no idea but, every week I wonder..."Is she drunk?"  "Does she need more sleep?"  "Is she on something?"  "Where can I get me some of that?"  This last week she looked as if a bird had flown directly into her boob since she had feathers coming out of her shirt. All aboard for the Paula Abdul train wreck...woo woo!!!  Next stop...Celebrity Intervention???

The Bachelor breaks up with his fiance on National TV and tells her he is dumping her for the other girl that he dumped at the Final Rose ceremony?  OK, what is wrong with this guy??? Can we just say he has some issues and leave it at that?

Can Maury Povich ever do a show that does not involve paternity tests and finding out who the skanks baby daddy is??  I very rarely watch this show (that is the truth, I swear) but, every time it is the same topic AND why on gods green earth would you ever go on a show to find out who your baby daddy is if you are even remotely not sure who it is???  It is ridiculous to say the least.

I think I am going to go back to watching Judge Judy and The People's Court where the cases are real and the decisions are final.  

Monday, March 9, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

1.  I did NOT laugh hysterically when the elementary school bus driver refused to take one of our kids home so the principal of  the school came out to "talk" with her about her reasoning behind this.  She did NOT tell him to "step off my bus" two times right in front of me and the said child that she was refusing to take home.  I did NOT turn to him and ask him "so, how does it feel to get kicked off the bus?"  He did NOT laugh at that moment (seriously, he didn't think it was funny...what?? Totally funny if you ask me).   He now sees the hilariousness in the whole situation and can laugh at the fact that the principal of the school got kicked off the bus.  

2.  I did NOT think it was funny when my high school friend (shout out to Skinny Bitch) posted some glorious pictures from prom, river trips, hanging out, etc.  The pictures themselves were funny enough but, the best part was 90% of the pictures, I had absolutely no recollection taking or who is even in them for that matter.  I was NOT drinking through most of my senior high school year as evidenced by the lack of memory and the height of my bangs.  GEEZ, could they be any higher...really?

3.  I did NOT hang out on Saturday like the Beverly Hillbillies on the neighbors front porch drinking wine, watching the kids play.  I did NOT then get home to do a little drunk facebooking (That is never good), only to see the same neighbors were drunk facebooking too!!  Who does NOT love drunk facebooking.  

Friday, March 6, 2009

Four Eyes

When I was little, I had horrible vision and was punished to wear glasses from the second grade on.  I hated those glasses.  I remember going in to the eye dr. and telling them I could see things that I could not, in hopes that I could fool him into thinking I could see.  None the less, glasses were necessary each and every time.  Not only that but, I needed a stronger prescription each and every time.  By the time I was in 5th grade, I was sporting a giant pair of coke bottle glasses. Here I am, going through the "ugly awkward years" wearing these ridiculous glasses.  My parents could have got me some super cute glasses that made me look all smart but, instead they would probably ask..."Which pair is the cheapest?"  I finally talked my parents into getting contact lenses in 8th grade and I swore I would never wear glasses again, EVER!!!  As I got older, there were many times when I needed those glasses...lost lenses, torn, broken, eye infection.  I would not give in...I said never and I meant NEVER!!  I was scarred for life.  I would drive down the highway with one eye closed since I lost a lens, I would wear my contacts even through an eye infection, I didn't care.  Then, when I met super hot hubby, I decided to finally break down and get a pair (that was covered by insurance of course).  It took me three days to pick out those glasses.  I asked everyone, how they looked, if I looked smart, did they make my pupils look giant?  I am sure if I ran into Counselormama, I would have been included in her Freak Magnet stories.  

It is now ten years later and I have gone through two pairs of glasses.  At this point, I come home from work and take out my lenses and put on my glasses for the evening.  I am not yet comfortable wearing them in public yet but, I think I will be.  I made a promise to myself and told my hubby that there is no choice...if the kids need glasses, we will dwindle down their college fund or sell our kidneys in order to get some super cute glasses for them.  That is just the kind of mom I am. 

Monday, March 2, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT have the most ridiculously crazy week at work with enough not me material to suffice for an entire post. 

1.  I did NOT laugh hysterically (and I mean milk would have come out my nose, hysterically) when a male 5th grade teacher came into the office holding a pair of g-string panties that he found on the floor of his classroom.  Who lost their g-string in a 5th grade classroom??? OMG...I can only hope it was some how stuck in someone's pant leg or something. 

2.  On the very same day, I did NOT have a child fall in the mud and call home to have a replacement pair of pants brought to her.  Her father did NOT ask me if we had some pants in the lost and found for his daughter to wear.  I did NOT respond with "Ummm, ya, most kids don't lose their pants at school so, NO we don't have any in the lost and found."  

3.  I did NOT have to endure the entire school band in my office last Friday...flutes, clarinets, trumpets, electric guitars (with amps), and drums.  The following conversation did NOT occur in my office that day:

Band instructor:  "You are supposed to blow not suck."
Innocent student: "I don't understand...I only blow?"
Band instructor:  "Yes, don't suck on your instrument...just blow."  
Innocent student: "OK, I think I get it now."
Band instructor:  "Now put your instrument in your mouth and show me how you blow."  

I swear, I could make this up but I didn't.  I don't think I have this good of an imagination...even if I tried.  CRAZY!!!

4.  I did NOT have an entire conversation with my craz...I mean lovely mother while she was in the bath tub.  She called me and the whole conversation sounded like she was in a tunnel.  I asked her about it and she told me she was in the tub at the time and then the line went dead.  I am wondering if she dropped the phone in the tub and needs assistance at this time.  Maybe I should check on her??