Thursday, January 8, 2009

Visitor

I have an ongoing visitor that comes to my house every month.  For a few days, this "chick" comes that no one seems to know or even likes for that matter.  I wish I could slam the door on her and tell her "I don't want what your selling, B#*$@h!!"  Instead, she sneaks in without a sound or any warning at all and sets up camp in my living room!  I hate this girl...so irritating and irrational and demanding and fat and weepy...HATE HER!!  I have no idea how to stop her from coming over so we all just try to ride out her visit. Maybe if we welcome her with open and loving arms...her visit could be tolerable?  Not sure, I will have to think about that one.   

This person that I speak of is me and one time a month I am completely transformed into a girl I do not recognize. My poor, super hot hubby...I feel so bad for him. He tries to be nice, but that is not what I want.  He tries to stay away but, I want him near to tell me I am lovely and sweet and skinny.  He tries to do that, then I literally push him away.   So, he retreats to the only peace he can find, tv, hiking, shed out back, underground bunker...the more psychotic I become, the more he retreats.  The more he retreats, the more I weep...do you get what I am sayin? Poor man!!!  Then as quickly as she comes in...she packs her bags and leaves. No warning, no sounds until next month.  

5 comments:

TrueLoveIsaMama said...

Oh... hilarious! Poor men, they have no chance during this week! BTW I am going to guess..... AIDEN? Could you be that lucky to actually have gone to school with that fine fox? Truthfully though, I would choose Steve!

Counselormama said...

I know this visitor well. She is an irrational force to be reckoned with! Coincidently, she is visiting me as well this week. I guess she really gets around...Oh yeah, is it Aiden? TELL US!

forever folding laundry said...

Yea, there's no hope for anyone that week. It's best if they crawl into a closet and stay there. Or at least let me stay in mine. Is that too much to ask?

3 Bay B Chicks said...

I loathe unwanted house guests. If they won't leave on their own accord, I do my best to sedate them with drugs and alcohol. Works like a charm everytime.

A little wine here, a little Advil there, makes Mama a very happy girl indeed!

-Francesca

imbeingheldhostage said...

Vitamin B my friend... it has made all the difference for the psycho chick that likes to come to our house.
(start taking it before you know she's coming by.. and then you'll see that her milder, less-irritating sister will visit instead)