Sunday, August 30, 2009

Writer's Block

Have you ever felt like you have nothing to say but, you need to put it out there that you have nothing to say so that people don't think you are dead or something...I know, makes no sense right?  Well, I have nothing to say and for the record, I am not dead, I have not lost an appendage, nor am I stuffed in the trunk of someone's car.  I have been racking my brain for the last two days trying to find something witty, something funny, something touching, just something..and I can't come up with anything.  So, until something post worthy comes to mind...this will have to do.  

Sunday, August 23, 2009

It's Not About the Bike

I have spent the last 2 weeks either with house guests or being a house guest.  Here I sit, alone, with my computer wondering where the heck did the summer go?  It is done already?  Kids begin school tomorrow so it is back to the grind.  Back to the craziness of a work day.  Back to rushing out the door and stuffing my face on the way.  Back to, at least, two return trips through the door because I forgot something.  Back to countless mornings of "Where is my freakin' shoe?".   

My mom has been up helping us out with the kids for the last week.  Nothing too surprising happened (if you can believe that).  There was no scene at a restaurant because she thought someone cut in line.  There was no moment of panic when she heard a strange noise...oh wait yes, there was and it turned out to be the cat.  It was uneventful in my "mom standards".   I will either have to make one up or write about something that has already happened....hmmm...I think I will tell you a true story...shocking and TRUE!!  

My mom loves to ride her bike.  She is all about the bike these days.  One summer prior to me having kids, my mom came up for a visit and brought her bike because she wanted to do some trail riding.  I obliged and took her along the bike trail for a nice ride on a Sunday afternoon.  We were riding along the paved road but, she wanted to go "off roading" so, I oblige and follow her off on the trails.  After about three seconds on this trail she decides this isn't a good idea so we turn around and head back to the paved road.  As we were just about to get moving on the right track she says...."Uh oh, I just hurt my back."  I am all..."huh?  What?  How can that be?  You were just standing there."  I guess she moved her foot or something and wrenched her back.  Me being the wonderful daughter that I am...began to laugh.  In my defense, I totally thought she was kidding.  I helped her over to the side of the road and lay her down on the grassy area.  What to do?  I have no idea...I look around and see a call box...crazy I know but, I pick it up and begin to tell the operator what has happened.

"yes, ma'am do you have an emergency?"
"Well, I mom hurt her back and she can't move."
"How did she hurt her back?"
"hmmm, good question...I have no idea...moving her toe?"

Meanwhile, my mom is SCREAMING at me from across the trail to tell her that it really hurts but, all she needs is a ride home.  She absolutely expected me to tell her that she needed a ride home.  Not kidding. 

"Umm, ma'am?  Did your mom hit her head?"
"Oh no, no, no...she is always like this...isn't she a peach?"

My mom screams again..." I can hear you!!!"

"Ma'am what would you like me to do with your mom?"
"Wow that is a loaded question...but, I bet you mean right now in regards to her back?  well, can you send out someone to help her get up or something...I have no idea."
"OK we are sending someone out right now."

5 minutes later a gigantic hook and ladder fire truck comes cruisin' down the bike trail.  Siren blaring cuz you know, have to make sure they are seen and all.  It was an absolute scene...Oh did I mention that a Dr. stopped to help her but, when my mom found out that her specialty was OB/GYN, my mom freaked out and told her "I don't need help down there."  The firefighters were nice as could be and just wanted to help the best they could.  They have a protocol to follow and when they started putting on the gloves to check my mom out, she responded with "What are you doing?  I don't have any diseases."  Right, because that is how normal people who don't do drugs respond in such a situation.  The fireman asks her to take off her glasses so he can see her eyes. Again she responds with "I don't do drugs and I don't have any diseases."  At this point, I want to ride away and completely act like I have no idea who she is.  But, I can't...I just keep shrugging my shoulders and acting as if maybe she did hit her head.  

After about 20 minutes, the park ranger comes and takes me back to my car while the fire dept waits with my mom.  I have to go and pick up the car and then come and get her.  We all help her into the car and drive off into the sunset.  For the rest of her trip all she could do was sit and watch movies.  It was HER idea to go to the movie theatre and sneak into two movies...ya know, because she couldn't do anything else so I am sure they would understand.  

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

It's a Small World After All

I haven't had this blog for a really long time and I don't have a whole bunch of followers (the ones I have, I love to the end of time) and I never in a million years thought that by post 111 everything would come full circle in blog land.  Most of my followers are friends of friends of friends and a few people that have stumbled upon my blog through comments or coincidence.  I read blogs where there are 1000+ followers and how the blog author will be out and someone will recognize them from a picture or something and comment on how much they love it.  You all have paparazzi in blog land you just don't really know it.  

"The good book" (Facebook) has connected me with people from my past and I LOVE IT!  Chatting with people I haven't seen or talked to in years has been fun to say the least.  Imagine my surprise at the 20 year high school reunion to connect even more with people and begin to put a real life face with a name and a memory.  After attending the "train wreck 101" (see the reunion post), I drove home..back to reality...back to my life here of wiping noses and tushies and turning into Cybil in 2.2 seconds.  Life is good!!!  

I was on my computer one night looking at "The Good Book" and a friend I have known since Kindergarten was on so I began an IM conversation.  We were chatting and laughing about the reunion and just the ridiculous behavior that we hope to never see again. I mentioned that I wrote a blog about it and he requested the link.  I, of course, put him through the oath of not revealing my true identity and if he did...well, nothing would happen but, I would be really mad.  He agreed and I sent the link.  Within 2 seconds he responds with "OMG...I can't believe this."  He has been following my blog and had no idea it was me.  We freaked out and I was trying to figure out how he found it in the first place and we freaked out again.  It is such a small world after all!!! 

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Life's (HARD) Lessons

Upon returning from my 20th high school reunion, I have been reflecting on the night. In the years since exiting high school, I think I have learned some good life lessons...some of them through trial and error and others just from observations and a few were just common sense. 

Here is what I took away from the night:

1.  You want to look smokin' hot because there are those that age well and those that do want to be in the category of age well.

2.  Get a room in the hotel or one within walking distance and DO NOT tell anyone your room number.  Seriously, people will show up at your door before and after the party for a place to crash or drink some more. 

3.  Wear just looks better.

4.  Browse your yearbooks prior to getting to the reunion.  There will be many people that you will see that you will recognize their face but, not know their name.  All will be wearing a name tag and it is just embarrassing to stare at someone's chest to see who they are.

5.  Limit your alcohol intake on the afternoon and the night of the reunion.  This is a big one!!!  If you want people to think you have matured since high school...maybe, just maybe, you should act mature.  I'm just sayin...

6.  Have your attire pre checked by anyone that can see.  Let's just say that a wife beater t-shirt is not appropriate for the reunion...especially if you have some sort of glandular issue that makes you sweat profusely.  And for the women, there is never a time that would be appropriate to remove any layer of clothing.

7.  When the music stops and the DJ leaves the building...this signals the end of the dancing portion of the night.  There should not be anyone dancing to the songs in their head or to songs that no one else can hear. 

8.  Please refrain from trying to kiss a married woman...especially if you yourself are married.  You would think this would be a given but, apparently it needs to be said. 

9.  When every ounce of your being is telling you to look away from the head cheerleader trying to do a cheer at the end of the night, you really should look away.  It is an image that I will never forget and will, most likely haunt me to the day I die. 

10.  Some people just never change...sometimes that can be good and sometimes it can be bad...very, very bad!!! 


Thursday, August 13, 2009


I am down in the OC, counting the hours to my 20 year high school reunion.  I am so excited I will probably piddle but, I don't care since I am getting older and have two kids and that is just what happens sometimes...I'm just sayin'.   If you are doing the math right now,  I graduated in the 80's..the time of hair that needed a half bottle of hair spray to keep in place, most likely permed or crimped, senior pictures had some sort of shawl or wrap that they draped over you, and some of the best music EVER!!!  

My memories of high school are vague but, great (what I remember anyway).  I loved the prom, football games, spirit clubs, yearbooks, off campus lunches, cramming 10 people into Andi's bug,  the river and listening to Def Leppard in my 1980 Celica.  Just thinking about it makes me smile.   Imagine my excitement as Skinny Bitch, Slab and I are staying in a hotel for two nights...TWO NIGHTS kids and no husbands.   The possibilities are endless!!!  I am sure there will be lots of laughs, "remember when"s,  and hopefully a lot less hairspray.  

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I Almost Died...No Really, I Did!!!

This last weekend up at the infamous cabin they had a special little festival that they do every year.  It has become quite fun and continues to get bigger and bigger each year. They have lots of races for the kids (sack races, three legged races, peanut spoon races, etc) and they each get a ribbon for participating and if they finish in 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place they get a colored ribbon and their name printed in the newsletter.  We try to go up every year as the kids love it so much.  

Now, as you all know, I have been training for this stupid triathalon for the past year (and not really liking it but, whatever).  So, I was excited to see that I could compete in a tri at this festival and it would be fun and easy and laid back and easy (wait did I already say that?).  It was perfect since they did all three stages but, they spaced them out over two days...PERFECT, since I was concerned about doing all three events with little time in between to rest.  So, here I had it...I was stepping up to do this and thought "Good way to start and this was going to be easy peasy."  

Ummm, ya, well, I had never done an open water swim before...Holy Crap...that was no fun AT ALL!!  It was a half mile swim and I knew about an eighth of a mile in that I was in trouble.  I could not get into a rhythm and I couldn't put my face in the water.  This has never been a problem before and every time I would put my face in, I would FREAK out because I couldn't see a thing.  It was all murky and not the least bit like swimming in a pool.  So, I thought "Well, I will just keep my face out of the water then."  This was good in theory but, I kept getting splashed in the face by other swimmers wake and literally kicked in the face several times.  I begin to think..."Oh crap, I can't do this" and I begin to look at my options.  I cannot turn around since I was so far out at this point that it would not have mattered.  I could not be plucked out by a boat since they were all kayaks and canoes and I would certainly pull them in with me in my freak out session.  So, I continued to swim and think and freak out and swim and freak out and think.  This was spirit crushing for me since I thought that the swim would be the best event for me...apparently not since I almost drowned.

I continued to swim with the encouragement of my super hot hubby (he was great...he swam with me even though he could have gone much faster).  I finished the half mile swim completely out of breath and so excited to receive the participation ribbon.  I was so proud of myself that I did not finish last...I finished second to last, in front of a fit young man in his 20's.  I won't even tell you he was drunk at the time of the swim but, I totally beat his ass!!!