Saturday, February 27, 2010

He Has Issues Too!!!

Super hot hubby needs help...he has a joke and it is serious. He cannot go one month without purchasing some sort of sporting equipment from a retail store whose name I cannot say. The letters in the name are E,I, and R...but, I can't tell you the actual know, for copyright reasons or something like that. I gave him a challenge, to go 60 days without a purchase from this store and he began to sweat profusely. He says he is up for the challenge but, his left eye was twitching the entire time he was talking about this challenge...coincidence? I think...NOT!!! Even though he believes and actually said "you are right, honey", I honestly don't think he can do it. WAIT...let me savor this moment for just one second....HELL YA, I am right, you buffoon!!!!!

If I was to go through all of our old credit card statements, I am pretty sure that there would be at least one purchase on each bill (sometimes multiple purchases) for the last two years. He claims it is ok since most of the stuff he buys is on sale or for someone else...I think it is NOT ok!!! It is safe to say that he owns more backpacks than I can count and more running things than I would even WANT to count. We will see how this goes for him but, he is already plotting how he can still purchase stuff with cash online so that it doesn't show up on his bill? Not a good start if you ask me. Don't even get me started on his issue with papers piled up in the office...he has an entire forest back there. I can only tackle one issue at a time...sigh!!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I Am Not Sure If I Will Survive In This Business

I am NOT cut out for this acting thing. I need a thicker skin to take some of the direction that I am given. The director is nice and all but, she is becoming increasingly frustrated with my newness to the acting world and not be able to tell stage left from stage right or why they need to have a house left and house right that is different then the stage left or stage right....I mean really? Can't you just say left or right or better yet...just point to where you want me to go?

We had a big photo shoot for the debut of the show. Apparently, the picture will go in the know? To embarrass me even more then I already am embarrassed by this whole fiasco. I really have no idea what came over me when I tried out...was I drunk? I wish...but, alas, I was not. I arrive at the photo shoot in my standard work attire...jeans, hoodie and converse tennis shoes. The director had told me that she had my Mother Goose outfit so, basically I just needed to show up. Show up I did...on time no less, thinking this would make her happy and love me and see that I am the next Meryl Streep and that I need to move on to the big screen. She gave me one disgusting look up and down and says....

"Please tell me you at least brought a hair tie for you hair?"
"Ummm....I am sure I can dig one out of my purse (uncomfortable laugh)...will this hot pink clip do with the ginormous flower on it?" (said so clearly as a joke...but, apparently it was not funny)
"Your hair needs to be in a low braid for the wig to go over"
"Here is your outfit...oh and here is your ma's cap"
"'s cap? What the hell is that?"

Oh dear LORD!!! I go get dressed and I kid you NOT here people this is what she said to me...

"Please tell me you brought make up?"
"Ummm, no? I don't know what I am doing here so, if I am supposed to bring something you need to tell me."
"Well, you are a woman...I would think you would have some."

After I get my outfit, wig, ma's cap, and glasses on...she takes one look at me and shakes her head and says...

"Can someone do something with her?" and then she walks away...leaving me standing there holding my goose (literally holding a stuffed goose).

I begin to think this is not for me. After getting some make up...she pushes me on the photo shoot...goose and all...and now I am supposed to look sweet and motherly? Can't wait to see how that turns out.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Scary Dream

Ever have one of those dreams where you wake up and have no idea what was real and what was in your sleep induced mind? You sit up like a bolt saying..."what the hell?" Ya, last night I had such a dream. I was sleeping peacefully and in my dream I was walking through a very hilly city...climbing hills and not being the least bit upset by it (that is how I KNEW it was a dream). There was a bus involved that I was riding on with the rest of my family and I decided to get off and walk...I KNOW, right? That is just crazy talk if you ask me.

In the dream, I come to the enchanted little house where there is a lovely family that wants to feed me some dinner. I, of course, oblige since I am nice like that. I excuse myself to take a tour of the home and come back with the cutest little baby in my arms. I mean deliciously cute and she does not have a bow taped to her head and I know she is girl kinda cute. She is clearly a newborn and apparently when I am touring the house, I snoop through their medicine cabinet and I have a baby? Sure...why not? At this point super hot hubby comes in and he is more then thrilled at the baby and he tells me we MUST name her Rosita Hernandez. Huh? What? We have an exchange back and forth about how maybe a name like Rose or Roselyn or Rosemary would suit her a bit better. He is adamant that we must name her Rosita Hernandez? Why? I have no idea but, we do. So, my new cute little dream baby is Rosita Hernandez and she is just darling.