This great party comes at a huge price though. While it is so fun and wonderful, the attendees at the party are ALWAYS in string bikinis, overpriced sunglasses, and designer cover ups. I am telling you, the best looking people to congregate in one location. I feel like the ugly friend that is always tagging along with "in" crowd. I really don't understand it. Lots of babies, and I mean babies (two weeks old) and their mothers are in tiny bikinis with no cellulite and no stretch marks. How is this possible? I watched as countless women came in holding their tiny babies while revealing their super model bodies. They walk around in those skimpy bathing suits with a complete lack of regard for anyone staring at them (mainly I am the only one staring but STILL). They do not need cover ups or to walk with their towel tied around their waists. I am in a constant state of panic while at this party thinking "OMG, the backs of my legs are showing... I need to suck my stomach in... my youngest child is 4 years old not 4 hours old... my muffin top, oh the muffin top... do you think anyone noticed that I got my suit from Target?" The men are easy on the eyes as well. Nice looking, muscular, tan beach gods to put it simply. I am quite certain that when we leave every year, all the people wonder..."Who was that older mom'ish type lady with two kids?" I come home every year needing some sort of a self esteem boost from my super hot hubby who has never attended this party. I kinda like it that way, so that I don't have to keep hitting him for staring at all the girls and he doesn't see my staring at the guys with the six pack abs.
I've Got an Itchy Trigger Finger. No, Really!
4 months ago
7 comments:
Where in the world is this party? I would be wearing my Snuggie. Seriously.
Oh, sweetie. If you already KNOW "one of these things is not like the others" then I say DO IT UP next year. That's right. Go all white trash, or maybe 80's heshin'. FREAK those cellulite-less mom-freaks out, just for the f'ing fun of it. And be sure to take pics. BTW, you are beautiful & do not need to "drop a few pounds". I love you just the way you are..... (singing). :)
where is this party? Who are these people? Damn, I hate that!
You had me until "triathalon"
I can't really picture a "muffin top" on a triathlete's body! Your real problem is you didn't take advantage of those daquiri's! THOSE woulda made you feel better!
What?! You regularly go running? My dear, sweet, darling friend, I am sure that your bod is keeping up with the rest of those ladies at the party. Run, don't walk, to your nearest department store and buy yourself a thong bikini today. You have nothing to fear, but fear itself.
HA!
If nothing else, I am sure that those women got nothin' on your wicked game of Air Hockey!
-Francesca
I love your stories. They are the best, whether your mother is mentioned or not!
Email me @ ect1112@gmail.com so I can get your address to send off the prize!
What kind of kids' party is this? Margaritas, string bikinis. Sounds like a nightmare to me!
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