1. I did NOT adamantly refuse to share the malt balls that I eventually went to the store, on my own, to buy. I could NOT believe that he would even ask for some of said malt balls. He is NOT that ridiculous, is he?
2. I did NOT feel so bad about not sharing those malt balls with my husband that I eventually gave in and let him have some. And when my children asked for some of those same malt balls, I did NOT tell them that daddy ate them all. I did NOT throw him under the bus like that. (I did NOT giggle just a little at the very mention of balls, I swear I did NOT).
3. I did NOT listen to a 90 minute fit from my 3 year old because she was refusing to apologize for hitting her sister. I do NOT know where she gets her stubborn tendency from, I really do NOT. 90 minutes, for gods sake!!!
4. I was NOT so excited when I found out that part of a behavior incentive for a kid at school was for him to play the wii for 30 minutes with me. I did NOT try boxing for the first time and I did NOT look like a total spazz trying to jab and uppercut throughout the game.
5. I did NOT try to make a dramatic exit after reprimanding a child at work and take a header on my way out (Charlie Brown style, I might add) and my first thought, as I lay on the ground, was NOT "I hope I didn't rip my jeans."
6. I was NOT completely traumatized by witnessing my mother in law and father in law dancing to gospel rap music. There was NOT spanking involved in this dance-freak show and I am NOT in need of a really good therapist to make the lambs stop screaming. MAKE THEM STOP!!!