Sunday, August 23, 2009

It's Not About the Bike

I have spent the last 2 weeks either with house guests or being a house guest.  Here I sit, alone, with my computer wondering where the heck did the summer go?  It is done already?  Kids begin school tomorrow so it is back to the grind.  Back to the craziness of a work day.  Back to rushing out the door and stuffing my face on the way.  Back to, at least, two return trips through the door because I forgot something.  Back to countless mornings of "Where is my freakin' shoe?".   

My mom has been up helping us out with the kids for the last week.  Nothing too surprising happened (if you can believe that).  There was no scene at a restaurant because she thought someone cut in line.  There was no moment of panic when she heard a strange noise...oh wait yes, there was and it turned out to be the cat.  It was uneventful in my "mom standards".   I will either have to make one up or write about something that has already happened....hmmm...I think I will tell you a true story...shocking and TRUE!!  

My mom loves to ride her bike.  She is all about the bike these days.  One summer prior to me having kids, my mom came up for a visit and brought her bike because she wanted to do some trail riding.  I obliged and took her along the bike trail for a nice ride on a Sunday afternoon.  We were riding along the paved road but, she wanted to go "off roading" so, I oblige and follow her off on the trails.  After about three seconds on this trail she decides this isn't a good idea so we turn around and head back to the paved road.  As we were just about to get moving on the right track she says...."Uh oh, I just hurt my back."  I am all..."huh?  What?  How can that be?  You were just standing there."  I guess she moved her foot or something and wrenched her back.  Me being the wonderful daughter that I am...began to laugh.  In my defense, I totally thought she was kidding.  I helped her over to the side of the road and lay her down on the grassy area.  What to do?  I have no idea...I look around and see a call box...crazy I know but, I pick it up and begin to tell the operator what has happened.

"yes, ma'am do you have an emergency?"
"Well, I mom hurt her back and she can't move."
"How did she hurt her back?"
"hmmm, good question...I have no idea...moving her toe?"

Meanwhile, my mom is SCREAMING at me from across the trail to tell her that it really hurts but, all she needs is a ride home.  She absolutely expected me to tell her that she needed a ride home.  Not kidding. 

"Umm, ma'am?  Did your mom hit her head?"
"Oh no, no, no...she is always like this...isn't she a peach?"

My mom screams again..." I can hear you!!!"

"Ma'am what would you like me to do with your mom?"
"Wow that is a loaded question...but, I bet you mean right now in regards to her back?  well, can you send out someone to help her get up or something...I have no idea."
"OK we are sending someone out right now."

5 minutes later a gigantic hook and ladder fire truck comes cruisin' down the bike trail.  Siren blaring cuz you know, have to make sure they are seen and all.  It was an absolute scene...Oh did I mention that a Dr. stopped to help her but, when my mom found out that her specialty was OB/GYN, my mom freaked out and told her "I don't need help down there."  The firefighters were nice as could be and just wanted to help the best they could.  They have a protocol to follow and when they started putting on the gloves to check my mom out, she responded with "What are you doing?  I don't have any diseases."  Right, because that is how normal people who don't do drugs respond in such a situation.  The fireman asks her to take off her glasses so he can see her eyes. Again she responds with "I don't do drugs and I don't have any diseases."  At this point, I want to ride away and completely act like I have no idea who she is.  But, I can't...I just keep shrugging my shoulders and acting as if maybe she did hit her head.  

After about 20 minutes, the park ranger comes and takes me back to my car while the fire dept waits with my mom.  I have to go and pick up the car and then come and get her.  We all help her into the car and drive off into the sunset.  For the rest of her trip all she could do was sit and watch movies.  It was HER idea to go to the movie theatre and sneak into two movies...ya know, because she couldn't do anything else so I am sure they would understand.  


Just Add Walter said...

hehe..."I don't have any diseases" ... that is a great story!!

NotTooSeriously said...

Most humorous!!!

Debbie said...

Wow! Your mom sounds like a real experience. I want more mom stories!

Counselormama said...

This story is great, this is one of the funniest posts I've ever read, wish I could meet your mom!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I am pretty sure that was the best story ever. I so need to hang with you two.

Pass the peas said...

WOW... what a scene and a half! Sounds to me like your Mom needs a full suspension bike that rides like a Cadillac (are they still selling cars?) and pedals with the greatest efficiency. I am pretty sure it was "all about the bike!"

peewee said...

HA! Oh moms. They are CONSTANTLY trying to get us back for childbirth. CONSTANTLY!