Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What I Have Learned.

Super hot hubby and I are celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last week...can I get a woot woot?!?!!!! When two people decide to enter into a marriage, their thoughts are blissful and loving. Check back 10 years later and see how that is working for them. So, I am going to preach to you....I mean tell you, all the things I have learned in my ten glorious years. Please, learn from my mistakes as it is time consuming and energy draining to keep doing the same annoying thing over and over again.

1. When super hot hubby is doing a "project" in the (insert any location here...i.e, garage, yard, kitchen, under the car etc.) and you hear a very loud crash followed by some screaming obscenities...please, don't go rushing out there to see how you can help. This only angers the beast. You must just sit back and go against everything your mind is telling you to do and wait...wait for him to come to you and say..."I think I cut my finger off, can you take me to the hospital?"

2. Don't ever think for one second that he knows what to say in any given situation. I found myself thinking "If he really knew me, he would know I got my hair cut today and it looks fabulous and he hasn't even noticed or commented on it and it really doesn't help to catch him staring at that girls ass." He really doesn't, seriously, he doesn't. After 10 years, I have resigned to the fact that he does not know and I must tell him what to say.

3. Which brings me to my next point, Don't think that because you tell him what to say it means any less. Super hot hubby really does think my ass looks great in my jeans, he just doesn't see the need to tell me 1,000 times...I mean, same jeans and same ass...why go over this again? is his thought process.

4. Be up front about your "moods". I will fire a "warning shot" when my mood is going south just to let him know. Now, he doesn't always hear the warning shot, in fact, he rarely does but, this is not my fault. I do my best to let him know that it is ok and actually preferred to stay away but, not too far away and to not talk to me but, talk to me all time and to compliment me lots but, not too much...

5. When I am craving and wanting something specific that is not organic or "good for me"...I must go get it myself. Don't ever send super hot hubby to the store to get me a malt balls crushed up in a tub of ice cream or send him to Marbucks for one of their donuts...if I need something specific...I must get it myself.

6. Do not resort to whining, crying, begging, sexual favors, or anything of the sort when you want an iphone and super hot hubby says "seems unnecessary to me." This gets you no where...I mean NO WHERE!!! In fact, I would say it even went in the other, super hot hubby most likely isn't reading this and if he is...stop reading right now but, forgiveness is easier than permission sometimes. I'm just sayin'...notice though that I still don't have my beloved iphone and have settled for an ipod touch. Same but, different.

7. Life is never fair. This is something I say frequently to my kids and I need gentle reminders every once in a while that this applies to me as well. Life is not fair when I am taking the kids to soccer practice and working and signing off homework and doing homework and simply running amuck yet, super hot hubby is asleep on the couch...Life just isn't fair sometimes.

8. Compromise is key...We need groceries to feed the children and he wants a new running shirt so we go to REI and get him a new running shirt and couple of Cliff Bars for the kids. See??? Everyone is happy and we met in the middle, Compromise...

9. Provide him with two delightful children so that he cannot leave as easily as he once thought he could. When those two delightful children act out and he gets angry with them...gently remind him that it was his sperm that created those little buggers and that you spent countless hours in agony and pain trying to get those demons out of your body through a hole that is not pleasant or fun to stretch that much. That usually shuts him up pretty quick.

10. Love him everyday...even when he gets on your nerves.


Kristina P. said...

Congrats on 10 years! We're working on 6.

And we count the difficulty of jobs in our house in the amount of swear words it takes.


Woot Woot! Congratulations and Blessings!

Counselormama said...

As you know, we live parallel lives, love the "forgiveness is easier than permission" LOVE it!

peewee said...

I read this somewhere "I used to pray to God when I wanted something, but then I realized God doesn't work that way. So now when I want something I just steal it, and confess my sins and ask forgiveness"

heh heh

VERY FUNNY POST!!! You make me wan to get married just to try it out all your rules. I feel very prepared now :)

Ab said...

Woot Woot! I like #10!

Counselormama said...

Please, please don't tell me you have stopped blogging! Write something, anything!