One of These Things Just Doesn't Belong Here...

Yesterday, I attended the best kids birthday party EVER!!  We are invited every year to this party and the kids love it and so do I.  The parents live in this great house with a ginormous game room...complete with air hockey, a pool table and darts.  Now, I can kick ass in air hockey although I usually have to play with my kids but, I kick their ass none the less.  There is an awesome pool that is heated to just the right temperature and a retaining wall that the kids can jump off of and into the pool.  They almost always get some sort of blow up bounce house type of fixture.  This year was an inflatable water slide...last year a real mechanical bull!!!  They have it catered with great food and usually have rented margarita maker that contains some sort of adult beverage (strawberry daquiris this year).  Lots of beer, wine, cake, the works.  Too bad I have given up drinking so that I can drop a few pounds before my triathalon or  I would have been face up and mouth open on that daquiri maker. 

This great party comes at a huge price though.  While it is so fun and wonderful, the attendees at the party are ALWAYS in string bikinis, overpriced sunglasses, and designer cover ups.  I am telling you, the best looking people to congregate in one location.  I feel like the ugly friend that is always tagging along with "in" crowd.  I really don't understand it.  Lots of babies, and I mean babies (two weeks old) and their mothers are in tiny bikinis with no cellulite and no stretch marks.  How is this possible?   I watched as countless women came in holding their tiny babies while revealing their super model bodies.  They walk around in those skimpy bathing suits with a complete lack of regard for anyone staring at them (mainly I am the only one staring but STILL).  They do not need cover ups or to walk with their towel tied around their waists.  I am in a constant state of panic while at this party thinking "OMG, the backs of my legs are showing... I need to suck my stomach in... my youngest child is 4 years old not 4 hours old... my muffin top, oh the muffin top... do you think anyone noticed that I got my suit from Target?"  The men are easy on the eyes as well.  Nice looking, muscular, tan beach gods to put it simply.  I am quite certain that when we leave every year, all the people wonder..."Who was that older mom'ish type lady with two kids?"  I come home every year needing some sort of a self esteem boost from my super hot hubby who has never attended this party.  I kinda like it that way, so that I don't have to keep hitting him for staring at all the girls and he doesn't see my staring at the guys with the six pack abs.