AWWW, A New Year

I am absolutely ridiculous when it comes to these chain letters that get sent to my e-mail where you have questions and you erase the other persons answers and put in your own and pass it along.  I ALWAYS have to do those.  Not sure why but, I love them.  I love reading them, answering them, and sending them on (sorry to those of you who do not). That being said, I was so happy to receive on my blog a New Years type one of these to answer and pass on from 3baybchicks (I can tell we will be life long blogging friends).  

The rules are modeled after the 2008 Christmas Spirit Award.  Thus...

1. You must be a true lover of the New Year to receive this award (uh huh, sure I am...I just got an award!!  wooo hooo).  The person to whom you give the award must also be in love with the New Year. 

2.  List 5 things that you love about the New Year.  If you can't limit it to 5 things, then keep going till you run out of space.

3.  Pass the award along to as many people as you like. That can be 1 or 50. It is up to you but, keep the New Year cheer going.

4.  Let your recipients know that you have tagged them by leaving a comment on their site.  Also, link back to the person who gave you the award.

Got it?  Good, here we go...this is what I love about the New Year:

1.  A fresh start and excitement for what the upcoming year will entail.  Oh ya, and the school year FLYS by after this holiday and we are out for summer. 

2.  Staying up until Midnight, on purpose, to watch the ball drop in Times Square.

3.  See who will be performing on Dick Clark's Rockin Eve and how cold she will be in the skimpy outfit she wears. (reminder of Mariah Carey last year...holy cow, she must have been freezing)

4.  Counting down from 10 to 1 with my girls and clinking our glasses of sparkling cider for them and anything alcoholic for me when we get to 1.

5.  The Rose Parade.  I grew up going to the Rose Parade every year and did you know you can actually smell the roses while watching it?  

I am only passing this on to one blog friend since I don't have many blog friends yet and I don't want people to be mad at me so...

Counselormama you are it!!!  

Enjoy!!  Have a safe and Happy New Year to all!!!  

New Picture

A picture has been chosen for my blog and it is worth a thousand words.  While it is NOT a picture of myself, it very well could be.  Seriously, I do look like this little guy at any given point throughout any given day.  Hair all a mess and standing on end, so much stress that my fingers are just stretched out to maximum extensions, I may even have a pair of pants like this guy is wearing.   He is the craziness that I experience everyday with being a mom, wife, daughter, aunt, sister, friend, counselor, psychiatric patient, etc...

Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

I have gone back to the original design on my blog since I agree with ThreeBayBchicks that it just did not fit me.  I am NOT flowery and fluffy like I was portraying myself to be.  I can't even find a picture to post for gods sake, let alone take on a blog makeover!!!! Maybe I need a show like Extreme Makeover for blogs?  Someone can just send me away (away on a trip, not from my computer) and they can completely redo my blog to fit me.  

The best part about this blog for me is the fact that people are reading it that don't even know me.  I am quite sure you all have in your mind what I look like, talk like, act like and such but, just aren't quite sure.  Just for the record, I am tall, thin (with a sleek like athletic build), beautiful skin, gorgeous hair, eyebrows to kill for, hot in jeans of any kind, I do NOT have a muffin top even after having two kids and I don't even have to wear make-up of any kind.  I just look that way naturally.  Can you believe it?  Just so you know, I have been told that I write this blog the way I talk (which scares me because I never say YIKES or m'kay) but, I do have a sarcastic "tone" to most of my language.  The hardest part is finding a picture... not just any picture but, the right picture.  I am working on it, please be patient. 

New Design

There is this underground world that no one else seems to understand besides those of us that blog and read blogs.  There are certain blogs that I read everyday and am truly disappointed when there isn't a new post.  I am sure that those of you that read my blog can understand that, right?  :)  Now that I have started blogging, I can't seem to stop writing, reading, browsing, etc.  People that don't blog don't seem to get this.  I have been asked several times "so, is it like a journal that you let others read?"  It is not like that at all...I don't know how to explain it but, I am sure that fellow bloggers understand.  When I find myself sitting at my computer during lunch time and the grilled cheeses burning on the stove, I am fully aware of my "problem".  So, I found myself on Christmas...CHRISTMAS for god's sake...reading blogs and getting upset since no one had posted anything.  Why?  Because it is Christmas and they were doing other things like playing with their kids, being with family, opening presents and such. I posted to my blog and then I found out I could change my design?  This kept me busy for a while.  I am not sure if I like this new design, I am not one for change too often (unless it is a great new pair of jeans).  So, I will sit with this one for a while and see if it grows on me.  

Merry Christmas

I didn't think I would post anything today as it is Christmas and I have a TON of stuff to do before we have everyone over for dinner.  Here I am, sitting in the quietness of Christmas morning, after the presents have been opened and the kids are playing with their new toys.  I love this holiday season.  My oldest daughter asked me this morning "Mommy, do you know why I love Christmas so much?"  I said "well, I can guess but, why don't you tell me."  She says, "I love having all of our family over for dinner."  I told her "That is sweet but, Santa has already come and brought you all your stuff."  She then tells me "OK, then I love the presents."  Kids are so honest. 

American Girl

For any of you out there that have darling little girls, I am quite certain that you know of the "secret" world that exists in my life.  We have two new additions to our house as of last Christmas...Julie and Ivy and they are American Girl Dolls.  I love them, maybe even a little bit more than my kids do.  They are freakin awesome and I really want one for myself (Kit Kittridge to be exact if anyone is interested in a last minute gift).  I was never one as a little girl to play with dolls, barbies, or anything girly for that matter.  My sister was VERY into Barbie and anytime she would allow me to play with her I had to be Ken or Skipper or Tiffany...never Barbie.   I am so over that though after many years of therapy and drinking.  

I find myself playing with these dolls with the girls (or after they go to bed by myself, shhhh).  What I find so amazing is that they have a 4 giant stores that you can go to and it is like Disneyland for dolls.  There is a salon, a cafe where you can eat with your doll, a hospital for all your doll "emergencies", a photo studio and every doll has their own room.  I am totally serious too.   Each doll has their own story and comes with a book (I know, very educational, right?).   Anything you want for a doll, you can find for Julie and Ivy.   Outfits, accessories, pets, skis (skis?), a concession stand, pom poms, anything...why didn't I think of this idea?  I would be rich!!!  I have been told that more money is spent for one of these dolls than most people spend on their heart medication and the sad part is, that is probably true.  

Drama Mama

I am not sure if you have noticed but I can, at times, be a tad bit dramatic in my reactions to things.  While I don't necessarily see this trait in myself, it has been repeatedly pointed out to me by my super hot hubby.  With the remodel, vomit everywhere, the looming holidays with no kitchen, shopping, parasites, wrapping, and did I mention the vomit? and being in the f'in Christmas spirit...there is a little stress around here.  I have found myself storming out in a huff several times for no other reason than to get the attention of my husband and tell him I am quite upset.  Only, I don't even think he has even noticed I have left.  I have made my dramatic exit from the house wanting to slam the door behind me and peel out as I drive away with tears rolling down my face and a country song on the radio about why he doesn't love me anymore  (And the academy award goes to...) only it is a sliding glass door and I don't think it would get the reaction I am looking for.  For all the husbands out there that are reading my blog (probably there is just one and that one is mine), I am going to let you in on a little secret.  All we want is a little bit of sympathy, a little pat on the back, a little love every now and then.  So, when we say "I'm fine." we usually mean..."please talk to me more and ask me more probing questions about why I am acting like a 5 year old."  When we say "I don't mind if you stay home and watch football while I attend this family function with the kids."  we usually mean..."get your ass up off that couch and come with me." When we say "Only if you want to."  we usually mean...I want you to do whatever it is I am asking you do to and I want you to WANT to do whatever it is I am asking you to do and if you don't want to do it, YOU SHOULD!!!  We are such simple creatures, I think.  

Is there a Dr. in the house?

We have a sick ward around here these days.  My oldest daughter has been sick for the last 14 days.  It is the strangest sickness I have ever seen and if I didn't know any better, I would think she is faking it to get out of something.  She seems fine throughout the day and at night, she spews everywhere.  There is nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night and needing to clean up vomit.  She really wants to go back to school and we have gone to the Dr. two times already.  It seems as though she has ingested a parasite of some kind and it is trying to work itself out.  Apparently, it one of those bugs that just latches on to the insides and refuses to let go.  I feel so bad for her and all I can do is hold her hair back and encourage her to "get it out".  All I can say is when that parasite gets itself out of her body, I will stomp on it to make sure it is in fact dead.  

Update

I am trying to think of a clever and fun profile picture for my blog and I cannot come up with anything.  Rarely am I at a loss for words but, this time it is true.  I am wishing I HAD taken a picture of my youngest daughters butt print on the mirror as that would have been great!!  Any suggestions...send them my way, k?

Now, it has come to my attention that my lovely mother has now, in fact, decorated her golf cart.  Yes, re read that last sentence and tell me she is NOT crazy.  She has it all pimped out for the holidays complete with a wreath and garland.  She is looking for lights that she can put on it too!!!  I told her that she needed to get one of those police sirens that she can pull out and pop on top of her car as she is chasing all the criminals down Main St.  Just close your eyes for one second and picture this scene.  A completely tricked out golf cart with a siren speeding (25 MPH) down the scary streets of a small beach community in hot pursuit of a common thug.  COMICAL!!!  The best part about telling you all these stories is that she is reading them and wants so desperately to leave a comment but, she can't figure out how to do it.  Mom, get in your pimp mobile and go down to the local Starbucks with your laptop and have one of the barista's (those are the people making your frappachino Mom) help you....Please we are waiting patiently to hear from you.  

EXCITED and scared!!!

I am beside myself with excitement at the fact that people are not only reading my blog but, leaving me comments too!!!  I LOVE IT!!!  Please leave more, even if I don't know you, you think I am crazy, or you just want to tell me off...OK don't do that, I am fragile and will probably cry.  

I had the most fun conversation with my craz...I mean, lovely mother the other night. We talked on the phone for about an hour and I was laughing so hard I was crying. I may have been crying because I am fragile, or because I realize that this woman gave birth to me so that means that I am half her genes which scares the crap out of me!!! About a month ago, she called to tell me that she had bought a golf cart to drive around town in and to save money on gas and be more environmental.   All those reasons are great if that was the true reason for the purchase.  Last time I was visiting her, the kids and I went for a ride in the cart and I noticed that she has a little notepad and pen on the steering wheel.  I was scared, to say the least, that she MAY be writing something as she is driving what I refer to as a death trap.  I asked her what she writes down on such a little pad of paper truly thinking that she would respond with "directions" or "list of things I need from the store"  but, NO she says and I quote..."in case I see someone stealing something, I can write down their license plate and turn them in."  I made sure to tell her that some things don't need to be said out loud. She at least knows that she can't chase after them since her golf cart does not go over 25 MPH. OMG!!  Do you see why I am freaking out???  

Can't get caught up

I decided to stay behind and complete an entry tonight in the peace and quiet of my own house.  I sit here at the computer with sap in my hair and getting poked by Christmas tree needles because we literally have no place for a tree this year.  My super hot hubby has decided that a good place for it is right behind the computer so, here I sit hunched over the keyboard trying to be in the f'in Christmas spirit.  

I just can't seem to keep up with all the musings in my life. I swear, between the remodel, my mother, my kids and my super hot hubby I have enough material for a year. But, crazy things continue to happen to me.  The other day I took my darling, sweet precious little girls to the mall to return a pair of jeans that I loved but, needed a smaller size (so I loved them even more).  It was a scene out of a Norman Rockwell painting, we walked hand in hand throughout the mall smiling and talking about Santa.  Then we made the turn into Ann Taylor Loft, my children were transformed. They began crawling under the racks and hiding in the sweaters.  I grabbed the jeans quickly and went to go and try them on.  When I turned to admire how skinny I knew these jeans would make me look, I saw my youngest daughter with her pants and panties around her ankles and her head between her legs looking at all her "business" in the mirror.  She was singing a song that I hope she made up that went "Look at my booty....look at my booty" as she was shakin' it in the mirror.  As if that wasn't funny enough...she started to back it up and left the most perfect butt cheek imprint on the mirror in Ann Taylor Loft. I was mortified and decided that the least I could do was purchase the jeans even if they made me look like a fat cow. I really didn't care.  I just wanted to get out of that store as quickly as possible.  When the sales woman was ringing me up, she commented on how adorable the kids were. Little did she know, that my youngest left her a "present" in the dressing room.  I am quite certain I have been banned from shopping at Ann Taylor Loft and that a picture of my face and my youngest butt cheek imprint is now a "most wanted" poster. 

The Long Drive

I know, I know...It has been so long since my last post and I am quite certain my fan base is waiting on pins and needles wondering what has happened to me.  So much has happened I cannot put it in one post so I have decided to break it up into several fun filled little nuggets of joy and laughter at my own expense.   Just know that I have had an "incident" with some birds and another mom story that will knock your socks off.  

This last week was Thanksgiving, a great holiday with lots of food, family and fun.  We decided to take a trip to visit my family 425 miles away and for some reason we decided it would be a fantastic idea to do a road trip.  It is one of those things that sounds great at the time but, put the plan in motion and you envision yourself dying a slow and torturous death.  We drove those 425 miles with the two kids in the back seat and my super hot hubby at the wheel.  I had forgotten that he refuses, adamantly refuses, to drive over 65 mph due to fuel efficiency.  I jokingly said half way through the drive that I should take a picture of every car, truck, motorcycle, bicycle, unicycle, snail, etc that passed us up on this trip.  I quickly realized that would take up all the memory in my camera as there must have been a gazillion!!!  This was not bugging me too much until the kids starting getting restless and we were passed by an GIANT RV with a motorized scooter on the back (you know, the kind that has commercials of old people when they can't get around as well anymore?).   I had had enough when that occurred.  I was explaining and begging and pleading and crying and shouting that the gas pedal was on the right in case he was confused.  I felt like someone was running over me with the very car I was riding in...only they were actually going to speed limit of 70 MPH!!!!  OUCH!! Those extra 5 mph really pack a punch.  

The irony of a shirt

I had this shirt from my past that I could NEVER get rid of.  I don't know why I continued to hold on to this shirt.  I got it from a guy that I dated in high school  (using the term dated loosely).  We had one great summer and I had very fond memories of that time.  Just loved the way I felt about that summer. So many changes about to happen in my life and that shirt was the only thing that I still had (besides yearbooks and such) from those years in my life.  The shirt made it through thousands of washes, a gazillion moves, failed relationships,  friendships, and all that 20 years can encapsulate. When I would move or clean out closets...I would find that shirt and stare at it for a few minutes.  I could not understand why I would continue to put the shirt in the "keepers" pile when it said "We were Great in '88".  I just could not throw it away.  So, I would always fold the shirt back up and put in the back of the drawer to wait for the next move or cleaning day.  

When we scraped the ceilings, I did a MAJOR clean out and got rid of LOTS of clothes.  I finally threw away the jeans that I could only dream about wearing again, a mini skirt that was missing a button (I threw that away because of the "mini" issue not the button), shirts that I would never wear, you get the point.  I remember coming across the "Great in 88" shirt again and putting it in the keeper pile...or so I thought.  Now, someone from the Goodwill has come and picked up the six giant bags of clothes and hauled them away.  Two days after this happens, I have reconnected with this guy from my past and I begin the search for the shirt that I have held onto all these years.  Only now, I cannot find it.  I believe the shirt has ended up in one of those six bags.  Now, I am searching around for any homeless man or woman that may be wearing a Great in 88 shirt. 

Is this sinking in yet?

I have been thinking about how I dropped the bomb on you about the band practice in my room.  I am so sorry if you have lost as much sleep about this as I have.  I am hearing the clarinets, keyboard, and drums (an entire drum set, I might add) in my sleep.  I am trying to recall what exactly came out of my mouth at that moment.  I think it was something along the lines of  "You are kidding, right?"  "You must be kidding."   I remember thinking in my mind..."He is f*#&@ing kidding"  I KNOW he is f*#&@ing kidding."  I began to think of the 10 and 11 year olds practicing the trumpet, trombone, and drums (did I say it was a whole set?) in my room and I got a headache just thinking about it.  I think I am pretty flexible about my working environment but, COME ON!!! This is just silly.  To top off this great day of learning about band practice...I drove home in that God awful f'in truck and the windshield wipers came on by themselves again with the spraying AND (yes, there is more) the dome light would not go off the entire way home.  It was a GREAT day!!! 

This is just getting ridiculous

You are probably asking yourself...what is she thinking is ridiculous?  Her work?  Her Iphone obsession?  Her super hot hubby?  Her remodel?  Just her?  I could go on and on. This time, I believe I am on candid camera and I am waiting, patiently, for the punch line that never comes.  So, to begin, I want to say that I could not be more serious about what I am about to tell you and I wish I could see your face as your are reading these words.  

My principal came to me on Monday and told me he had bad news for me.  I was thinking what could be worse that what he has already told me?  Could it be I am moving out of my room?  Is one of my 5 roommates moving out?  Am I losing my job? Is he wanting to get a bunch of birds to put in my room?  Does he need my kidney? NO!! He proceeds to tell me that our school will be getting two new classes at our school and I think I  passed out at this point.  My mind is spinning from the thought that I am now going to be sharing my room with 40 five year olds so I am certain I went to my happy place.  When I came back to, he was still talking about how this was going to effect me.  I am listening but, not really...UNTIL I heard the words BAND PRACTICE!!  Yes, that is correct, the elementary school band will be practicing every day in my room during lunch time.  EVERY DAY!!!  I cannot believe that I heard these words come out of his mouth and I cannot believe that I am typing them.  As I said, this is just getting ridiculous!!!  

The Birds

Isn't that the title of an Alfred Hitchcock movie?  The one where all the birds attack?  I am certain that it is and if it is not...It should be!!!  Birds scare me and I clearly have issues with my fine feathered friends.  They are not my friends at all!!  I remember back in high school and all the birds would line up on top of the gym and just wait staring at me.  As soon as the bell would ring, they would circle above me...lurking...waiting until I least expected it.  It was, pretty much, a daily occurrence at school for someone to get pooped on.  For some reason, my head was a target.  It was probably the G-I-ANT hair that I had back in the day.  Who knows but, I have learned to live with it (the disliking of birds...NOT the giant hair).  

Fast forward a few years and I am working as a school counselor.  One of the duties of my job is to do home visits if I am concerned about students and parents.  So, I go to do a home visit for a student that was not coming to school.  I am standing in what appears to be a living room but, functioning as the bedroom with my principal and we are asking his mom all kinds of questions when all of sudden...A GIANT bird flies right at my head!!  It freaked me out and I, literally, screamed.  OK,the bird was like a tiny canary but, you would have screamed too if you saw something flying at your head.  The funniest part of the whole visit was NOT the bird flying at my head or me screaming but, that the boys mom acted as if this was very common.  She told me that the bird just wanted to sit on my shoulder or my head.  WHY??  Why would the bird do that?  I have been back to the same house three times and each and every time that f'in bird flies at my head.  I no longer have G-I-ANT hair so, I have no idea why the birds are against me. 

I can't believe this

I do believe I have found something that I hate more than running.  I am not sure but, it is a close call.  My super hot hubby and I have been trying to get everything in order to begin a big remodel project in the kitchen.  We needed to pick out a new light to go over the dining room table.  I thought this would be simple...it is light for crying out loud, how hard can it be?  Well, it can and it IS very hard.  We went to several places to look for the perfect light.  We found one that we both liked and I turned to him and said "well, should we get it?"  and he quickly responded with "Of course, honey, if you like it then nothing would make me happier and can I just say you look so skinny in those jeans."  Alright, all of that happened in my head and what really happened was we found one that we both liked but, he did not want to get it since he wanted to shop around some more for a light.  WHAT??? If we see something we both like, why not get it???  INSANITY!!!  

We have been eating in the dark, literally we have to light a candle at the dinner table.  We are never sure if we are eating chicken or pasta...we need a light, damn it!!!  So, we go out today to a special light store and find one again that we both like.  This time, the angels are singing and the moons are aligned because we bought it.  We (well, super hot hubby) have spent about 4 hours and several swear words to get the light put in.  I hate to say this but, it looks fabulous and I am so glad that we waited and found this one.   We are early on in this process here folks, I am a little worried about our ability to find a stupid light.  I have visions of pushing my running partner and having her push him into oncoming traffic...that can't be good. 

Big Day in History

I sit here tonight practically moved to tears. Beyond tears, really. I am so proud today to be an American and all that being a citizen here entails. I went to vote today and took my two kids in tow so that they could be a part of history. I really never thought that in my lifetime I would see a minority or a woman in the white house. This election was sure to bring one of those outcomes. I am deeply moved by the acceptance speech of our new president. He has persevered beyond what I can even imagine. He had many barriers to overcome and he did it. Stories like this truly do amaze me. I still cry at the movie Rudy about a young man wanting to play football for Notre Dame even though his body size and abilities told him he could not. He was told he could not play so many times and he NEVER took no for an answer. He continued to get up after being knocked down (literally) over and over again. In the end, his teammates recognize his heart and chant his name from the sidelines until the coach puts him in the game. I, at this point, am CRYING so hard that I cannot take it. I am always amazed at what people can overcome.

This leads me to my second point of Proposition 8 here in California. I am sad that with one step forward we have to take two steps backwards. This prop has passed and basically nullifies all gay marriages. I do not understand why this has passed and how people can consider a marriage between a couple of the same sex can, in any way, influence or come into their own marriage. I feel like although this is not against me personally, I am taking it personally. I was raised to believe that people are all equal and have the same rights and who am I to take those rights away from someone else? It is so clear to me that religious viewpoints have come into play with this proposition and that is just sad. I, in no way, want to discriminate, put down, or judge anyone for their way of thinking. I embrace peoples differences and hope that through these differences, I can learn something about myself.

Moving Forward

We are back in our house after a little "retreat" to the in laws while we were getting rid of the asbestos in the ceiling. Feels so good to be back in the house especially with the smell of freshly painted ceilings. I believe my super hot hubby will be in need of some therapy from writing the check. I believe it is money so well spent he, on the other hand, has difficulty paying an obscene amount of money for something like the ceiling. We all know that I am right but, I humor him anyway.

On Friday, we had our first rain of the season and I love the rain, especially on days when I can sit around the house in my pj's reading a book...wait, that never happens anymore, never mind I hate the rain. In all honesty, I do love the rain but, this rainy day, I was driving that f'in truck to work and it was barely sprinkling. I turned on the windshield wipers to get the excess water off and the stupid piece of crap things wouldn't go off. I tried everything in my power to get them to go off...I turned them all the way on and then off real quick, I gave them the evil eye while screaming obscencities at them, I even pulled over and turned the f'in truck off and when I turned it back on they were going full blast AND spraying water now!!! I believe it is possessed...I really do!!! I hear it at night taunting me in my sleep. I was so pissed at this point. I had to drive to work with the windshield wipers on full blast with water spraying...I must have been quite a sight. If you saw someone screaming at the top of her lungs in an ugly truck in sprinkling rain with the windshield wipers on full blast...I swear I had not been drinking!

Hold 'em Tighter

We are officially moved out of our house and the ceiling project has begun. It is amazing how much crap...I mean treasures you have after living somewhere for almost 10 years. Really this is the first time we have moved everything, cleaned, got rid of stuff, etc. We now think that it would be so great to paint before we move everything back in. Sounds GREAT but, what we have failed to see is that painting takes an obscene amount of time to do with the taping, drop cloths, rollers, clean up, etc. So, I think we have decided to just do touch ups on the major parts and we are not changing colors of any of the rooms at this point.

Last Friday, I had a horrible thing happen on my way home from the store. I had both kids with me in the car driving back after getting ice cream. I saw a car hit what I thought was a cat but, it turned out to be a kid. Mayhem ensued as the men that hit the little guy actually knew him and they were really freaking out. I stopped the car and the girls stayed inside while I went out to see if I could help. This poor little boy is 7 and he was so scared that he was going to die. He kept saying over and over again..."I don't want to die!!!" He actually was quite lucky because the only thing I could see wrong with him was a broken arm and his hand was pretty mangled (as if it had been run over or trapped under the tire). As for internally, I have no idea. Seeing this whole scene unfold right before my eyes made me think about my beautiful children and how precious they are to me and those who know them. While they may drive me crazy sometimes, they are sweet, delightful, smart, healthy, whole and wonderful. I couldn't ask for two better kids. So today, I hold them a little tighter, I kiss them a little sweeter, I look into their eyes a little longer because you never know what life is going to bring. Why not enjoy what is right in front of you.

And so it begins...

My super hot hubby and I have been working so hard to get everything ready for the ceiling people to come next week.  I have spent the day cleaning out closets and purging clothes, shoes, toys, junk, etc.  and, boy oh boy, does it feel good!!! Look out, when I get like this...the cats, the kids, my husband could all end up in the "junk pile". I really like throwing stuff away sometimes.  Just getting rid of things that are no longer necessary feels fantastic.  Hopefully, this feeling doesn't transfer towards my super hot hubby throughout this remodeling project. There is lots to do and I am quite shocked that super hot hubby and I are still on speaking terms at this point.  

My dad came through town yesterday and stayed the night with us and it was a blast.  I could sit with him and chat FOR-EVER!!  He has such great stories and tells them over and over again but, each time they are a little bit better. He is great with the kids and they love having him here. This morning I was so excited to sleep a little bit longer since I knew the kids would go in and wake him up instead of me.   That is until I heard my youngest yelling and laughing with delight as my dad says "Hey, let's not do any more cannonballs off the bed."  She, of course, did not listen to him.  

Unbelievable

Lord, help me!!!!  I cannot believe what I am about to write here...brace yourselves, people.  I went into work yesterday and my room was again filled with crap and I have been told that there are two, count them TWO, additional people moving into my room.  Grand total would be six for those of you who are keeping count.  I have been told that the crap is not staying as it is all computer stuff and will go into classrooms. Seriously, it took three rather large and rather burly men five trips with dollys and carts to get all that stuff into my room.  I was trying to make light of the situation as I watched them unload an entire truck load full of stuff and place it in my room.  I was making jokes, trying to make small talk and I believe the burly delivery man just grunted at me.  I have had a very positive attitude about it and I think I am really ok with it.  My super hot hubby told me that I have officially become the step child of the school and I guess not a very well liked one at that.   There goes my positive attitude...DAMN IT I was doing so good!!

To make matters even worse, it is the night before a run.  I should be in bed right now dreaming of puppies, roasting marshmellows, laying in a hammock or the boogeyman for cryin out loud.  Instead,  I am sitting here dreading what is to come in the morning.  My cheery running partner greeting me in the dark with a "good morning", me almost hyperventilating from sucking wind so much, AND we have extended the run!!!  WTF!!!! 

Friends

All the girls in the house will agree with me on this post. Every female has a friend that they don't talk to that often but, when they see her they think to themselves "Why don't I hang out with her more?" You know the one?? My friend is someone that I have been friends with for 10 plus years and we met at work. She sat in the next cubicle from me and while we have different stories about how we became friends, she is a good friend none the less. She would say that I invited her to lunch and she had forgotten her lunch so off we went. I would say that I had asked her to lunch about 100 times and she got so tired of me stalking...umm, I mean asking that she finally said..."fine, I will go but, I really don't need anymore friends." Or something to that effect. Normally, I would be in a puddle on the floor bawling my eyes out uncontrollably but, I wasn't offended by this at all. I actually told her that she may not need anymore friends but, she didn't have a friend like me and that she would be my friend if she only knew me. So, here we are 10 plus years later...different jobs, different lives and still friends. We only see each other a few times a year and exchange e-mails a half dozen times. When we do meet for dinner, lunch, ice cream, whatever we laugh so hard that it is embarrassing in the restaurant. Well, I laugh that hard and she just turns red from the embarrassment. Our lunches turn into dinners and dinners into desserts. I really could sit with her for hours and chat and catch up and laugh. We usually end up closing the restaurant down or else they kick us out because we are so loud. My stomach will hurt for the next few days. I was thinking that I need to see her more often to give my stomach muscles a work out. Need me some six pack abs, ya know???

Glutten for Punishment

I actually went for run BY MYSELF on Sat. I have no idea what I was thinking but, I did it. I found myself in a little bit of a competition with well...me, I guess. Wondering how far I could actually run before stopping and if I could surprise my cheery running partner on Tues. morning with my endurance. I hated every second of it but, I found it interesting that I even had the thought to go. I have come to the conclusion that I will NEVER be a runner. You know, those people that live for it, gotta do it everyday, get up at the crack of butt, just love it?? Ya, not me. I am the one swearing obscenities through my gasps for breath. I am only doing this because I am an idiot...no wait, I want to do the triathlon and unfortunately running is part of it. SIGH!!!!

As if the running was not enough for me, I have now taken on the daunting task of kitchen remodel with my super hot husband. Now, this does wonders for a marriage, let me tell you!! Can I get an AMEN from those out there that have gone through this???!!! I have picked the tile, counter tops, paint, bamboo flooring and I am ready to go. Super hot hubby, on the other hand, is not quite so eager. I need to be careful as to what I write here today since he is probably going to read this but, I LOVE him and he is ridiculous!!! He wants to do portions of the project himself but, I want to hire someone qualified to do the job. He makes me smile (when I say smile I really mean throw daggers at him with my eyes) when he says and I quote..."I can do that and save some money." I always think "well, of course you can but, at what cost?" We had these gigantic eucalyptus trees in our front yard that we wanted to take out and he thought he would be able to cut them down by himself. I thought well, sure you can but, you could be in the process of cutting and the entire tree could fall on the house crushing the living room or better yet, you could fall 50 feet to your death. Is it a male thing to think such absurdities? At this point, we are waiting for more contractors to come over for an estimate. Last I heard, I was going to be picking the tile and counter tops for the kitchen (which I did) but, he is not sure about the counter top I have chosen??? And they say women have issues...GEEZ!!!

ADDENDUM: It has come to my attention that the above information may NOT be entirely accurate. Someone, and I will not name names, has told me that he did NOT ever say that he could remove the trees by himself. He really did say that and we all know who is right here but, apparently there was no evidence that he did say those words (although he did). He never had any intention of cutting the trees down on his own so, I am not sure why he said that he could. Just wanting to be clear here, people.

Day 2 of H-E- double hockey sticks!!!

So far I have run two days and I hate every minute of it. Not for the reasons you might think though. Yes, I am totally sucking wind the entire time and yes, I am secretly thinking that I could shove my lovely running partner (who is WAY too cheerful at 6:00 AM) into oncoming traffic but, these are not the reasons. I hate it because I now know that it does feel good when I am done and I have to admit that (Lord, help me) my super hot husband is right!!! Please, don't ever repeat those words to him. He would NEVER say "I told you so" or even think it for that matter. If the roles were reversed, (insert best Palin impression here) you betcha, I would be thinking it, fo sho!!! He is so supportive and excited about this new endeavor. He has even suggested that he could train with me and compete in the tri as well. Initially, I thought this would be fun but upon reflection, I am not so sure. If he is running with me, then I may envision pushing him into oncoming traffic and then my babies wouldn't have a daddy!!! That would just be sad.

See What Happens When I Drink?

It has come to my attention that while a friend of mine and I were finishing off a bottle of Patron on our night away that I made a promise to her. Apparently, in my drunken stuper I thought it would be a great idea to get up an hour early to run with her two days a week.  While it doesn't sound like such a big deal, it really is to me.  I have long thought that I would like to train for a triathalon in my near future but, my near future was more...well, in the distant future.  Have I ever explained that the only thing I hate more than mornings is running?  So, here we have two of my most hated things put together and really no good can come of this idea. We have agreed that there will be no talking during the run and that taking breaks from running is a good thing. Lord, help me!!!

Tomorrow I begin my quest to start training for this f'in triathalon.  My super hot husband keeps reminding me to stay positive about it and that I may really like it. FYI - As I was typing that last sentence I was making a mocking and childish face at him.  Is it bad when he says this to me I envision kicking him so hard in the shin all the while with a smile on my face? I think I can find the positive in that. 

Not Too Old Yet

I've got nothin' tonight.  I sat down at the computer and just stared at it hoping something would come but, NADA!!!  Trying to even think about something entertaining that has happened recently and I can't.  

I spent my first night away from the super hot husband and kids in a long time.  My friend and I spent one night at a cabin up in the mountains.  All I was interested in on the over night adventure was not attending to anyone else but ME!!  I told her that I would not be making any grilled cheese sandwiches, holding her if she cried, and I was not wiping any part of anyone else's body.  It was GREAT!!!  We spent way too much time at the bar and even had a hangover the next day.  

I have come to the conclusion that I am getting old.  Gone are the days of staying out until the wee hours of the morning and getting up early the next day.  I was completely out of commission for at least 2 days.  Sad but, true.  I watch SNL and I love the skits from the cougar den...you know the one where there are a bunch of older women that are scheming to find a young man???  Sadly, I think I am one of them without the scheming to find a young man as I have my super hot hubby.  I think I am depressed now...

I Stand Corrected

Just need to give you a little update as I, apparently, have got the facts wrong about the shenanigans of my dad.  You see, he read my blog and lovingly told me that it was all wrong and if I was going to tell the stories of his young life, I must do it right.  That being said, I suppose I should give you the "real" story and you can see which you like better. 

As a young boy growing up in a small town in the midwest...my dad and his two brothers would often times look for things to do.  Lots of times that led to trouble. They did use to catch birds and get money for the feet but, it was Starling birds not black birds.  Sorry, my bad.  These were the birds that ate the crops.  The three boys would go into the barn at night and shine flashlights and the poor birds would fly right at the light thinking it was the sun.  Instead of the going towards the sun to warm their feathers and chirp a song of delight, they were whacked with a tennis racket and stuffed into a sack.  This is where the story gets a little dicey...I am not sure if the bird was dead prior to cutting off the feet but, at some point their feet were removed and taken up to the County building for 20 cents. Sometimes the boys would keep the feet in the bag for several days so that they would be nice and stinky and the woman at the office did not want to count them.   Poor woman, I know what it is like to smell stinky feet (see prior post about my car if this is unclear).  Apparently, they also got 50 cents for gopher tails and I am sure they had a very inhumane way of getting those tails as well.  

As for the black birds, they did kill the black birds but apparently it was for no reason whatsoever.  They would catch them in a mink cage and start the car and carbon monoxide them and bring them back to life.  This process was continued until the bird was dead.  Being the nice, sweet boys that they were, they then buried them in a box by the barn while playing Taps.  Now, I distinctly remember him telling this story and he would "shove the bird up the tailpipe of the car" all the while gesturing the shoving and it didn't look nice. Poor, defenseless little bird.   Apparently, he doesn't want to sound like a bird hater now.  Good try, Dad!! 

The Crying Has Got To Stop!!!

And I am being serious here. Someone is goin' down at my school if the crying continues anymore. Just when I get one settled...another begins. It is driving me INSANE!!!! Today an adorable little girl was crying in class so, I went to get her and calm her down. Upon entering the room, I noticed her grandma was there and trying to console her. Super counselor to the rescue!!! I tell grandma to leave and we will take good care of her and I know it is hard but, it is what is best...blah, blah, blah. I do understand as a parent, it would be hard to leave my kid at school when she is so upset but, as a counselor...I want that adult GONE, BYE BYE..and don't look back. The kid will eventually settle down but, the longer the lingering...the worse it gets.

Grandma finally took my advice and turned to leave and the kid went crazy. She had snot coming down her face, screaming hysterically, and trying to get away from me. Every teacher came out of their room to see the sweet counselor with this feral kid and quickly closed their doors since I so clearly had things under control...NOT!!!

Eventually the principal came down and proceeded to help me carry her to his office so that she could cry all she wanted without it bothering anyone else. Well, it was really bothering me but, WHATEVER!!! I sat on the floor in front of the door to keep her from running out and she kept hitting me in the head with the doorknob. Over and over again, the doorknob is bopping me on the head and I begin to think, "How must this look to anyone outside of this room?" I don't think I want to know. In all honesty, I was thinking, "Knock it off you crazy kid!!!"

Long story even longer, she eventually made it to class after finally coming with me to the my office for a good, old-fashioned game of Candy Land. She turned on a dime, seriously. Never seen a kid stop crying and turn into such a delight in 1.2 seconds. Kinda freaky, if you ask me. The game went on and on and on with her being on the very last square and only needing any color card to win the game. Just one little color...ANY COLOR. She, of course, got f'in Plumpy!!! WHY, OH WHY!!!

True definition of insanity

It has been said that the real, no b.s., definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I truly believe that I am supportive in the best way I can be and that my super hot husband is as well. Yet, we continue to struggle with the same exact issues over and over again. DUH!!! I feel like I am banging my head against the wall and thinking why is he doing this even though I know that it is coming. When I stop and think about it, I usually will giggle to myself since I am aware of what the outcome will be but, still surprised when it happens. Literally, fall on the floor in shock or I guess, one MAY perceive it as a temper tantrum. I said MAY perceive it that way...

I was talking with my friend the other day about this issue and she, of course, said the same thing and knew the results prior to me even telling her. She holds nothing back when I talk to her and I love that about her. She knows me well enough to be honest without being harsh (although I think she wishes she could be harsh). While I am able to find the humor in it, I also find it extremely frustrating. I need to find someway to deal with my frustration as my head hurts from banging it over and over again.

My Special Day

Tomorrow is my very own special day. The only day that is for me and only me. My super hot husband was asking me what I wanted for my birthday. Here's a hint...IPHONE!! wink, wink, nudge, nudge...but, I will settle for something else. I have thought about this question for a few weeks now and I have come to only one conclusion. The thing that will make me the most happy on my special day is to have one day, ALL DAY, that is whining free. No arguing, no fussing, no screaming, no yelling...pure bliss!!! There are days when I feel like a mediator, referee, judge, jury, etc. To have one day, just one, that feels "normal" again would be great.

When I explained what I wanted to my husband and children, they were up for the task. They have had days when they have got along all day, they are few and far between. Anyone out there with kids knows those days...where you don't want to jinx it but you can't help but think "Who are these children and can I keep them?" I know they can do it. At least, I think they can, maybe??? My youngest wanted to know if they couldn't do it if they would have to be in their rooms for a very long time. I would think...YES, a very long time!!!

Why?

Just curious here people...are all women like me??? Alright, some women?? Any??? I guess a better question is "How do our husbands and partners put up with us?" I wonder how everything my husband says to me in my mind turns into him calling me fat. I find it humorous when he asks me "What movie do you want to see?" and I respond with "You think I am fat, don't you?" or "You want to see the movie with her in it because I am fat". I would like to think that it really isn't as bad as I think, but it is... I just know it!!! He would be so sweet and say..."Honey, I love you." Which I would again respond with "You DO think I am fat." And sink into that pit of despair.

I wonder this often, not sure if I think about this more or less than my super hot husband. I am sure he only thinks about it when it hits him in the face like a ton of bricks. He can be whistling a happy tune when all of sudden, out of no where, with little warning, "Houston, we have a problem!!!" He puts up with me and my antics with patience (bless his heart) and love and possibly...lots of alcohol.

Only At My School

I hesitate to post this story only because I work in education and sometimes it is sad to me how uneducated our children are. I had to sit with this one for a few days, let it simmer, before I could really understand exactly what this story was about. Last week, a teacher came to me to talk about the "drama" that occurs in her classroom on a regular basis. 6th grade kids, DRAMA!!! She takes an obscene amount of time sorting through all the details of the drama only to find out it was, in fact, a misunderstanding...SHOCKING!!!

This story involves two young men one smart (and on the husky side) and one...well, not so smart (string bean thin). The smart boy came to his teacher complaining that the not so smart boy was "sexually harassing" him. Most kids in our school would not even understand what that meant but, this boy would. The teacher very patiently tried to get to the bottom of this story and quickly as she had a class full of kids waiting for her to teach them math. He proceeded to tell her that the boy had said he was a girl because he didn't have a "ding dong". Confused, the teacher asked him to back up and tell her exactly what happened and had the other boy come over to listen. After he told the story again the same way...it came clear to Mrs. Teacher that the boys were not talking about the same thing. You see, string bean boy said that the husky boy "did not NEED a ding dong". Here stood Mrs. Teacher in a pickle. Knowing now that he was NOT making sexual comments towards him at all but, was basically calling him fat. What to do? Tell a kid "Well, sweet boy of our future, he was not calling you a girl...he was calling you a big fatty boomba latty." Hope that makes it better. Truth be told...he really didn't NEED the Ding Dong.

Humor Me

You have heard about my mom and her crazy antics and thought you might like a little background history about my dad. Growing up, my house was THE house that friends wanted to come to. We had a pool with a diving board and slide, sugar cereal, and lots of soda and snacks in the house all the time. My mom and dad were fun growing up and I think my friends thought that they were bit on the strange side. My dad especially. He grew up in a very small town in the mid west and he has the most amazing stories about when he was a kid. Like, how he used to kill black birds because they ate the crops. Then they would take the birds feet to the local store and get money for them. While this story always had me mesmerized, it was more the nature of how they killed the birds that was the essence of the story. They used to catch them in the barn and stuff them up the tail pipe of the car and turn the car on. When they pulled the bird out, it would not be breathing so they would give the bird CPR (I swear this is true, I couldn't make it up) until it came back to life. They continued this process until the bird would no longer come back to life and then chop off the feet. As an adult, this story is horrifying but, as a kid...SO COOL!!!

He swam with us, let us drive on his lap, and he would take us up to his school and let us roller skate in the gym. He used to tell us that if he unscrewed out belly buttons our arms and legs would fall off. It drove him CRAZY when my sister and I used to argue or act up in public. I remember being in a store when I was little and I was running like a crazy monkey and he looked me square in the eye and said "Little girl, where are your parents?" He was dead serious. He continued with this until we left the store, going as far as to ask other people if they knew where my parents were.  All the while, my screaming tantrum continued.

I think secretly (although he would never admit this) he wanted a boy. He was a jock growing up and he coached football, wrestling, our softball teams, etc. He is pretty competitive and I got that trait from him. I remember being about 12 years old and my dad was thrown out of one of my softball games by the poor 17 year old umpire that made, what he thought, a bad call. I guess that is why I get mad when I lose at Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders...those games are all about chance anyway.

Kids

I do not recall whose idea it was to have children but, I am certain that it was my husbands. While I love my children very much, they drive me completely insane sometimes. I look at my life and wonder "What the heck happened to me?" I used to be fun, outgoing, energetic, perky (in more ways than one, if you know what I mean) and now, I am rundown, stressed, tired, cranky, and not so perky. Back in the day, I could go out for a night on the town, stay out until 3:00 AM (I mean midnight if my parents are reading this), and still get up for an 8:00 AM class the very next day. Nowadays, I can stay out until 7:00 PM and if I have more than one beer I am lucky if I can get myself out of bed for work two days later!!! I am not getting old, I AM NOT!!! My conclusion is my children suck the life and energy right out of me. They are blood thirsty little suckers that don't ever stop, EVER!!! I imagine that they look like those sucker fish that are stuck to the side of the tank only they don't do ANY cleaning!!! The needs, the wants, the whining, the arguing, the hitting, the throwing, the belching, the screaming, the crying...funny farm here I come.

All it takes for me to get some perspective is a moment, one little moment, when they are sweet to me, to each other, an unprompted "Mommy, I love you", the darling laugh of my youngest, and the toothless smile of my oldest and I melt into a puddle. It is these moments that I need to remember on days like today. These are the girls that I created...when the are acting like crazy monkeys, it is so clear to me, that part of them was from my husband.

A little history

After reading through the prior blogs, one might wonder...what has happened to this poor girl in her life? Why is she so obsessive, crazy, insert whatever adjective you would like here? Once you meet my mom, you can understand in a few minutes. I LOVE my mom, don't get me wrong but, growing up with her was...interesting. As an adult, I find her thought process pretty comical.

You see, I live 7 hours from my dear, sweet, mom and one day I received a pretty frantic phone call on my answering machine (actually she called more than once but, I don't want her to sound crazy). She was demanding that I call her right away. DEMANDING!!! She sounded very stressed on the phone so, I figured something had happened to someone in my family. I immediately call her...frantic and needing to know how drastically my life would be changing in that moment.

She answers the phone on the first ring and almost burst into tears when she hears my voice. She tells me how thankful she is that I am alive?? I was so confused. She begins to tell me that she received a hang up call that sounded like it was from a cell phone. She KNEW that I had been kidnapped and was stuffed in the trunk of someones car. I was trying to follow this story the best I could. She was talking so fast and could hardly understand her through the hysterics. It was as if her mouth couldn't keep up with her brain at this point. She continued to tell me that she did not want to call me back on the cell phone for fear it would alert the kidnappers and then they would most certainly kill me!!! Why, on earth, if I had been kidnapped and was stuffed in the trunk of someones car would I call my mommy that is 7 hours away??? Why, on earth, would my mom being saying these words out loud for others to hear?? How, on earth, did I turn out so normal??? So many more stories like this...so little time!!!

The Break Up

I have only a few friends that will be honest and tell me like it is...straight up, no holding back. I talked to one of those friends today about my recent break up with my love affair (Iphone). You see, I did break up...truly I did. It was one of those things that I thought would stick and seemed like a good thing at the time. I had a long discussion with my friend (shout out to Schmiggy, WORD) about this and she so eloquently told me "LET IT GO". So I began my quest to let it go...

I came home two days ago and told my super hot husband that I was letting go of the Iphone. I would no longer bring it up, discuss it, cry about it, or anything. While I was NOT expecting some major reaction to this news (OK maybe a little), I was hoping for him to at least look away from the pot of Sloppy Joes for two seconds. He, in fact, did not. This would not stop me...still breaking up!! Being mature here.

Less than 24 hours later, HE comes to me to start a conversation about my EX Iphone that I was clearly moving on from. While I am shocked...I continue to go with it in a calm and soothing manner. I ask him "Are you sure you want to talk about this?" He says yes so, here we go. Down the road that we have travelled time and time again. He gets mad at me since I am attacking him about the phone again. WHAT??? I don't think I brought this up, buddy boy!!! I am left bewildered to say the least as to what had just occurred.

I know now that the Iphone has been the root of all evil in my house lately and no longer want the drama that goes along with it. No more making up, going back, no looking back!!! WE ARE DONE!!!

I Surrender

I am waving the white flag here people. I give up!!! The Iphone is a no go from here on out. For the sake of my marriage, I must let it go. My husband and I just don't see eye to eye on this one and quite frankly, I am tired of stating the same point over and over again. OK so, I am tired of begging, pleading and crying but, still tired of it none the less. My Facebook obsession is getting much better...although, it was probably better since I was obsessing on the Iphone. We will see how that goes.

I have these kids at work that just won't stop crying. Not sure how they can cry for this long. I am exhausted at the end of the day. If my own kids cry for any reason, I have no patience left to give. Seriously, explain to me how anyone can cry for five hours straight. Not just a whimper here and there but, a full on sobbing, snotty, tears and all cry. It is crazy. I think the other kids are starting to be afraid of me since they only see me with the criers. I had one kid ask me the other day "Why is she always crying?" I said "I have no idea." And I really don't know why she cries.

Weekend News

It has been a busy weekend to say the least. I was able to get my husband (minus the super hot and wonderful description) to let me go and LOOK at Iphones. Before he could finish that sentence, I had the kids strapped in the car and my foot on the gas. We walked into the apple store and it was pandemonium. Absolute chaos. I have never seen that many people in such a little store. I asked the kids to be on their best behavior since mommy was going to have figure out how she could buy this phone without daddy knowing. After about 10 minutes of just staring and, I must admit, some salavating we were approached by a sales girl. She had several piercings, the stretched out earlobes, a stud through her chin? It was a little hard not to look directly at her but, I couldn't take my eyes off of the iphone. She answered all my questions and when she pulled out her own iphone to see how many pictures it could hold, I about fainted. Seriously. At this point, my youngest had hit her head on the counter that she was swinging on and my oldest was telling her that she shouldn't have been doing that. I didn't care in that moment...I was staring at it. It was within my grasp. I, for a second, had a thought of taking her phone and running out the door but, I know my kids would have ratted me out. Can't keep their mouths shut!! Still no Iphone but, one step closer.

On Sunday, we decided to take a relaxing day trip to the beach. My mother in law decided she wanted to come too so we crammed 5 people into our car (which seats 5 but, it is squished with car seats) and head to the beach for some family fun. The kids were on my last nerve within about 20 minutes. Arguing, being mean, and rude, and they were no picnic either. I decided to just give up and ignore them the best I could. Since I was the one in the back seat with them it was a little hard to do. They were hungry, they wanted the music up, then it was too loud, they were thirsty, then the gum...oh the gum!!! It was insane. By the end of the trip they were pinching my arm flab and I didn't care as long as they were quiet. I had a moment of peace when I was sitting in my chair on the beach, listening the the waves, it was serenity at its finest. I knew this moment wouldn't last long so, I enjoyed every second of it.

9 Years of Bliss

Today my wonderful, loving and super hot husband and I are celebrating our 9 year wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe that he has put up with me for that long. I am being serious here. We have two great kids, two good cats that just refuse to get a long, and a loving relationship. He makes me want to be a better person and wife everyday. That being said, for our anniversary my gift to him...to sign off of facebook. Whoa, I mean just for the day!!! And by that, I mean the rest of today...until midnight. So, really only about 8 hours...I think I can do that. I said I THINK!!!! I also promise (one hand on Bible and one hand in the air promise) that I will not ask for, talk about, beg, grovel, or cry for my Iphone. Wife of the year, right here people!!! I am hearing loud cheers and applause in my head. If only everyone were so lucky...

Looking for suggestions here...

I find it fascinating how I can pull people into my craziness and my obsession about an Iphone. I appreciate the help on figuring out a way for me to get it but, I want to be clear here...IT IS MINE SO, STEP OFF!!!  I have not got the little slice of hand held heaven yet but, I am working on it everyday.  I feel as though I am getting closer.  He has told me to find out EXACTLY how much it is including the monthly contract and we will see if it would work.  Oh, it WILL work, I promise you that.  He is wearing down,  I can sense it.

I was talking to a colleague (and I use that term loosely) about the Iphone and what I could say to make it a necessity in my husbands eyes.  Said colleague thought I might want to go down the safety route and discuss how important it is for me to have a Iphone just in case.  In case...what?  A broken down car?  My husband would say "someone would stop and let you use their cell phone."  A natural disaster?  His response..."would it really matter at that point."  What if I was close to certain death and the only thing I wanted to do was to tell my husband one last time that I loved him?  His response..."I already know you love me so, I don't think we need it."   If that is the case, I will haunt him from the other side.  

Iphone Nazi

Have you ever wanted anything so badly it ached in your gut?  Just thinking about it makes me a giddy school girl.  I am in desperate need of an iphone these days.  My wonderful, darling, and super hot (if he is reading this post he can be described like that...otherwise he is a big meanie poo poo head) husband keeps telling me no that I don't NEED the iphone.  Really there are very few things in life that we NEED.  Food, water, shelter, iphone, etc.  Did I say Iphone??  I have talked to him about it like a rational wife (is that an oxymoron?), I have begged, I have pleaded, I have tried everything to no avail.  He is, in fact, the Iphone Nazi.  I have pointed out the fact that it has a GPS on it that he could use so that he never would get lost.  I really thought this would sell him but, he responded with "I never get lost."  I laughed so hard (not out loud, of course because I want an iphone) at that thought.  I am beginning to get ready to play some hard ball now.  I have offered 30 days, yes I said 30, of well...you know?  Everyday...30 days!!!  Lord help me, what is wrong with me?  I realized after offering this "service" that the Iphone can be bought for a mere $199 so, that would make me pretty cheap.  I must say, I was  happy that he said no to that deal but, I think now I should be offended.  

My latest tactic involves what I am willing to give up in order to have my little slice of heaven in my hand.  He told me that if I gave up caffeine (oh dear), chocolate (oh my) and ice cream (is he CRAZY???), then I could have it.  Give it up...cold turkey and he is serious.  While I think I can do this, I secretly feel sorry for him.  Can you imagine any wife without caffeine, chocolate, and ice cream?  I don't think he thought this all the way through.  

True story...really it is.

I am currently working as an elementary school counselor and have learned over the years that I am not a valued person on that campus. I am being serious here. Teachers can teach math, reading, writing, etc. There are subsets of teachers such as a resource teacher, special ed teacher, English language learners teacher, etc. that all teach to exactly what our little kiddles may need. Where does the counselor fit in? Well, I had a good dose of that question when I returned to my "Office" after a well deserved summer off only to find it is now being used as a storage shed. It was a HOT MESS. Apparently, we really did get rid of a storage shed and needed a place to store a bunch o' crap so, why not the counseling office? I spent the entire work day organizing the mess of over 200 chairs, 6-7 desks, 30 ancient computers and a crap load of drums. Seriously, who needed the drums? WTF??? I left the school feeling organized, efficient, and clean with the mess properly stored behind 7 cabinets. I came in the next morning and there was more crap!! More space = more crap. So I literally had to move a file cabinet just to get to my desk and I hurt my back. I know I am a wuss and all but, COME ON!!

Workman's comp got involved since I was injured at work and sent me to THEIR Dr. which promptly returned me to work that day. I asked her in my hysterical fit if she was, in fact, CRAZY? I may have dropped the f-bomb in there a few times as well just to get my point across. I was not able to stand up at this point and when I was standing or walking, I was moving like a 90 year old woman that had misplaced her walker. So, me being the good employee that I am, returns to work and it took all of about an hour before a kid almost kicked me in the (insert expletive here) face!!! I call the workmans comp lady and this is our actual conversation (well almost I guess)

F'in workmans comp lady - "well your principal needs to establish a perimeter around you so that no kids come near you."

Sweet counselor that is crippled - "what would you suggest? Some orange cones and yellow police tape?"

F'in workmans comp lady - "you need to chill out little mama."

Sweet crippled counselor - inaudible language, many expletives, maybe even some threats...it was all a blur at that point.

My "acquired" things

I was thinking yesterday about how much I hate the car I drive.  While I like the fact that I don't have a car payment...I hate the fact that I am overcome by the smell of feet every time I open the door.  I am telling you about this since this truck is something that I  "acquired" in my marriage to my wonderful husband who apparently had a stinky feet problem at one time.  You see, this truck was purchased by him back in 1997 long before we were married.  He drove it every day until we had children.  At that point, we thought it would be a good idea to trade in my super cute Jeep Wrangler for a more "family oriented" car.  Now that he is a stay at home daddy (which I find super hot BTW), he gets to drive the family mobile and I am stuck driving the car that I loathe.   I was driving the other day and the gear shift knob (who in the heck buys a stick shift anymore)  came off mid shift and almost flew through the back window.  I believe this is a hazard and told my husband this. He tells me and I quote: "you just need to put a piece of paper in there to make is stick on top."  WHAT??? when I am sticking paper in the gear shift knob, it is time to get a new car. 

We recently had some mechanical problems with the smelly truck and I was thinking my dream was coming true.  I was finally going to get rid of that thing and get something more new and less stinky.  To my surprise, our mechanic (who is dead to me now) told us that we could fix it for a mere 1,000 buck-a-roos!!!  Of course, my husband thought this was a great idea.  After a LONG conversation with the mechanic we decided to bend over and pay the money.   I think I cried at some point and when I picked it up I told the mechanic that if he saw that truck again for whatever reason he is to say "wow, you really need to dump that thing and get a new ride."  

My whole point is...well, not sure but I know that others have "acquired" things in relationships.  Lazy-Boy chairs, pets, cars, etc...boys are silly that way.   

I need more FLAIR!!

So, the facebook weaning process is not going well.  I have been there a few times today just checking things out. The real problem is in the flair...I only added and arranged my flair once today.  Oh wait, and I sent some flair so that got me some more flair credits.  See, not going well.  I am trying to get to the point where I am on there one time a day.  That is my goal!!!  I think I can do it...maybe tomorrow???  I will keep trying.  

Truly a facebook addict

I have decided that I am addicted to facebook so I am going to start blogging instead.  So, let me introduce myself...Hi I am K...and I am a facebook addict.  AAWW now that felt good!!!  For some people, it is alcohol, some heroin, me...computer!!  My poor, dear, sweet husband believes that my laptop has become a new appendage for me.  He can hear the little tip tap of the keys all through the night sometimes.  So, for anyone out there that does not facebook - 

1. WTF???

2. You must do it.

Maybe I shouldn't encourage it since it has become an obsession.  Sign up today, no wait don't sign up, yes sign up.  While some people MAY say that it is a huge waste of time...true!!! You MAY  get haters that want to leave negative comments about facebook...true again!!!  I can only imagine that they just don't understand.  I mean the Pieces of Flair can keep me busy for hours.  Really they can.  It is as if they are little shiny beacons of light.  I will begin the weaning process from facebook tomorrow, I think, yes tomorrow!!!  SSHH don't tell my husband as he thinks I am e-mailing long lost relatives and friends that I found of facebook.