I AM ON THE PHONE

These five words are often muttered by ever single mother. The words begin with a sweet rolling off the tongue...something like "Honey, mommy is on the phone, I will help you in a minute." As the child persists that he or she has an absolute emergency that must be tended to at THIS VERY MOMENT the words become a bit more harsh...something like "Yes, I know your sister pulled your hair and I know you didn't like it but, I really think you can work this out with her." At this very moment, it is easy to get pulled into a conversation with the sad eyed child standing before you but, don't be fooled. There is absolutely nothing that can be worked out at this moment in time...whatever you say to this sweet child will inevitably be the exact opposite of what he or she would like to see happen so this would be followed up with more talking, sometimes yelling and always tears. It is best to just stick to the script of "Mommy, is on the phone and unless you are bleeding PROFUSELY (very important to include profusely because he or she will show you all scabs and what might be a speck of dried blood) you need to let mommy talk." Also, important to cover what profusely means BEFORE getting on the phone as he or she will almost always ask for the definition of the word and possibly the root origin of it. This will not be the end of the conversation with the child...he or she will come back for more and it usually has something to do with they TRIED to work things out on their own but, they just couldn't do it. This is where things get dicey for most. Some quotes I have heard at this point while on the phone with other moms include but, are not limited to:

1. " I SAID I AM ON THE PHONE."
2. " Go to your room!"
3. "OK seriously, you need to stop talking to mommy right now or there will be a consequence."
4. "WHAT!!!"
5. "Why is your sister covered in toothpaste?"
6. "What on earth happened in here?"
7. "This is NOT ok."
8. "Do you see the phone that I am holding in my hand?"
9. "Did you lose an appendage? No...then we are done here."
10. "Why are you watching him go to the bathroom? I don't care that you have to go to, you should not be in the bathroom with your pants down together EVER!!!"

MOMMY IS ON THE PHONE!!!!!