In The Trenches

Today, was the most bizarre day at work I have ever encountered.  Super hot hubby is gone on a trip right now and I am single parent for 4 days...let me rephrase that....a semi tipsy single parent since I can't seem to make it through an evening without some sort of alcohol. This morning I had the joy of taking a kid home from school that had been suspended.  I had to go to his house first (no working phone number there) and make sure it was ok for me to bring him home in my car.  The boys "Auntie" wanted to ride with me so that she could give him a piece of her mind.  When she got into the car, I realized she was wearing some cheap ass perfume (by ass, I mean it smelled like ass covered up with perfume).  I was concerned for my shiny, pretty new truck but, figured it would air out. Auntie and I chatted about kids and life in general and I found myself thinking..."Auntie is pretty cool, I kinda want to hang out with her."  

We arrive at the school and by this time the boys brother was in trouble and they both needed to be taken home.  She lights those boys up within two seconds of stepping into the office.  She went about her business of signing behavior reports and getting them signed out of school and never stopped yelling at them.  The entire ride home was spent with the boys in the back seat, staring out the window and Auntie continuing to yell.  No one was listening at this point and she was going on and on about "why you boys are acting like foos?"  Yes, there is no L in fool these days.  The best part was, when I returned to school, I called my friend counselormama who is also an elementary counselor and she says and I quote...

"I bet I can guess what she was yelling in the car the whole way home."   Game on!!!  So, she says..."Boy, if you were mine, we wouldn't even be havin' this talk because I would whoop your ass and Boy, why you actin' all a foo at school?  and Boy, your mama didn't raise no foo so why you actin' like one?  and Boy, why your school have to call me and make me come to the school with this lady to pick your sorry ass up?"  This was, pretty much to a T, the way the conversation went down in the car.   Counselormama=1 Seriously? = 0.  While 99% of what "Auntie"  was saying was in the form of a question...She, in no way shape or form, wanted any type of answer.  

This is just one tiny thing that happened today...not to mention the freakin band that has moved onto Mary had a little lamb and our new student that wants to "kick the crap out of people"  all the time and he is addicted to playing his air guitar and singing Iron Maiden at the top of his lungs and the 6th grade boy that showed up to school in an authentic COUNTY JAIL shirt with a prisoner number and he didn't understand why I would make him take it off.  And people wonder why elementary schools need a counselor???