Four days with my mom is good and bad. Good because I love her dearly but, bad because I see how I will inevitably end up in my life. I have no idea where her paranoia about being kidnapped has come from but, it has set up camp in my mothers mind and refuses to leave. I have never been kidnapped, she has never been kidnapped, no one we know has ever been kidnapped but, it is a real thought process for her that this IS going to happen to someone. She is always on alert, looking for anyone who is a kidnapper or a potential kidnapper. I just don't get it. She is really interested in the new Nissans because apparently they have a release latch on the inside of the trunk...ya know, just in case you end up in there and can't get out. For example, you are playing around with your friends and wondering if you can fit in the trunk or if you are kidnapped and stuffed in the trunk and driven to the deep woods (choice number 2 is such the obvious one to choose). She currently drives a Jeep Cherokee and I often wonder what she would do if she was kidnapped and put in the back of the car. Don't you think all she would have to do is sit up and be the freak show that she is and someone would see her? Where as with the release...she must time her escape with the pulling the latch at the correct time and jumping to freedom.
She is concerned about her cell phone when it turns on as well. Apparently, it makes a noise (as all cell phones do) when it is turned on. I am not sure why she doesn't keep it on unless she is concerned about the battery dying and what would be worse than being stuffed into your own trunk with a dead cell phone? As this CSI episode that is my mother plays in my mind, I can't understand why she would have her cell phone in the trunk with her. Would any kidnapper allow her to grab her purse as she heads to the trunk? "Please...can I just take this ginormous purse with me to the trunk? It doesn't have anything in it but, I may need my lipstick....Thanks"
This would be an actual conversation once she dialed 911:
911: Hello, 911, what is your emergency?
mom: static...static....static
911: Hello? What is your emergency?
mom: Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
911: yes, ma'am what is your emergency?
mom: static...static...hello? Can you hear me now? giggle giggle (she loves those commercials)
911: HELLOOOO!!!
mom: I must be in some dead spot...anyway, can you send a car over, I am in the trunk of my own car but, I am totally prepared to be in here. I have snacks, phone, lipstick, etc. Could you call my daughter and tell her I said....I TOLD YOU SO!!!
10 comments:
And do you have this kidnapping preoccupation as well? Perhaps she needs to stop watching CSI and move on to more quality TV: American Idol, Survivor, and The Real Housewives. =)
~Keri
This is hilarious! Maybe you should stage a fake kidnapping of her to see how she would really react? No, that would probably throw her over the edge! I guess all mom's have their thing. Mine is obsessed with how cold our kids could get if not wearing parkas in anything under 65 degrees!
Oh dear! All mom's have a thing I tell you, mine thinks that I don't feed my kids and is always asking what did they eat? what did they have for dinner? honestly I don't know where that comes from but apparently she does it to my sister too! I think no matter what, you can't convince them to think of something else so go with the flow and quickly change the subject!:)
Oh Mothers!~ Yesterday my own had me laughing to tears, and not on purpose! I am looking forward to letting the crazy out on my daughter once she is full grown!
You cracked me up with this! I have felt before like I am watching my future unfold before me when I am with my mom.
You youngsters just don't understand. What with all those black helicopters, shady characters, muggers, and (heavy sigh) well, just strange people out there -- we all just need to me much more alert.
I know that I certainly check my closet (AND under my bed) every night - just in case!!
Grannie
I hope you could all catch the witty tone in my voice on the above post. It's so hard to convey humor in some posts - when folks can't hear me whining!
I'm laughing so hard I can't catch me breath!
A book written with your "Mom" stories alone would be a best seller.
Seriously, I know absolutely nothing about "the business" but I'm willing to represent you in a major book deal. Think about it and we'll do lunch!
Pam...I am all about the book deal and lunch. This is just the tip of the ice berg on all the material I have about my lovely mother. I am so NOT kidding either!!!!
This was one hilarious read! Does your mom read your blog and laugh along with you and herself? Thanks for the laugh!
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